How did they pick up McVeigh so quickly? Could it be that microchip he claimed they planted in his butt? Could it be that our government has planted microchips in everyone's butt? How did the fed in charge of the fed's ANFO experiments just happen to be in OK City on that day, and in front of the Murrah building just in time to confirm to the media that yes indeed it was ANFO?
Why is the evidence we have on him and al-Qaeda under seal?
Because if they revealed it, everyone on the planet would realize they all had microchips in their butts.
Why does the title of the new cabinet level organization (Office of Homeland Security) seem troubling?
Didn't Hitler start out in some kind of post like this?
Am I wrong to be asking these questions?
No, absolutely not. In fact, law enforcement is so grateful for you identifying yourself, they'll be over in a minute to thank you personally. You'll be treated to an all-expense paid vacation at the nearest penal facility.
Could the tin-foil hat wackos be on to something?
Yes, its true. We never went to the moon. We landed at Groom Lake.
Is everything we're hearing from the media and the government true?
Absolutely. Bubba Clinton is innocent; there really was a vast right-wing conspiracy; and Elvis is currently on a Special Ops assignment, somewhere on the Asian continent.
Don't get me wrong: I support the government's actions in its fullfillment of its Constitutional duty to "provide for the common defense".
Then get the friggin military down to my neighbor's house and shoot him in the butt for playing his stupid Chinese music at 80 million decibels.
I just hope I'm not being lied to -
Of course not. Never. Ever. The federales never lie. Marijuana really does make white women want to go and screw every single brown man.
I don't want this to be a country that's has given up its birthright of liberty to advance some evil, conspiratorial agenda.
The agenda belongs to that shapeshifting, reptilian alien, G.H.W. Bush -- oh yes, his exploits are well-documented. Just see the David Ickes website.
That's not the America I want to live in.
Better start learning how to sing Oh Canada!
You caught on to that, too? Phew, I thought I was the only one who knew!
I would prefer you did not live in America at all.