Morning Exit! I already ate half the omelette!
And this
What do Islam and the Quran say about women?
And call two witnesses from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men are not at hand, then a man and two women are needed. —2:282
Virgins await those who enter paradise. 2:25
It’s OK to have sex with your wives during Ramadan (after sunset). You must “hold intercourse with them.” All of them. It is your sacred Muslim duty. 2:187
Next, Allah gets down to the essential things in life. Things we all wonder about from time to time. Like should I marry a few idolatresses? Is an Islamic concubine better than a hot Christian woman? Should I refuse to give my daughter to a Jewish man until he becomes a Muslim? And who should I invite to the Fire anyway? 2:221
Menstruation is a filthy disease. All good Muslim men should stay the hell away from menstruating women, And for God’s sake, don’t have sex with them while they’re menstruating. It creeps Allah out to think of it. 2:222a
But don’t worry, guys. After they clean up, you can have sex with them whenever you want. Allah loves clean men as much as he hates menstruating women. 2:222b
In the mind of Allah, women are like a dirty field for men to plow with their penises. Plow them whenever you like (as long as they’re not menstruating, of course.) 2:223
Still, if a man doesn’t want to have sex with his wives, Allah is OK with that, too. Wait four months, then if they change their minds, go ahead and have sex with them. 2:226
Women may not have sex for three months after getting a divorce. If they skip one of their filthy periods, they must not hide it. In such a case, Allah suggests that their ex-husbands take their pregnant wives back. 2:228a
Women have rights that are similar to men, but men are “a degree above them.” 2:228b
If you divorce your wife, you must divorce her twice. And she can ransom herself, whatever that might mean. 2:229
But if you divorce your wife for the third time, you can’t have her again until she marries another guy. Then, if the other guy divorces her, it’s OK for you to have sex with your four-time divorced wife. What the hell? These are the limits of Allah. 2:230
After your divorced wives have reached the end of their 3-month waiting period, you can take them or leave them. Just don’t make Allah a laughing stock. 2:231
If you decide to go ahead with the divorce, let your ex-wives get married again. It’s cleaner that way. Allah knows; you don’t. 2:232
When a man dies, his wives can’t have sex for four months and ten days. After that, if they’re not pregnant, it’s no sin for the dead man if his wives have sex again. 2:234
A woman is worth half a man. 2:282
It’s OK to have two, three, or four wives, slave or free. 4:3
Males are to inherit twice that of females. 4:11
Lewd women are to be confined to their houses until death. 4:15
If any of your women get lewd, cut off their inheritance. 4:19
Don’t marry women who are already married — unless they’re slaves that you obtained in war. Then it’s OK. 4:24
If you can’t afford to marry free Muslim women, go ahead and marry slaves, as long as they’re Muslims. 4:25a
f your slave wives are guilty of lewdness, punish them half as much as you punish your lewd free wives. 4:25c
Men are in charge of women because Allah made men to be better than women. Women must obey men, and if they refuse, they must be punished. Refuse to have sex with them and beat them into submission 4:34
Don’t pray if you are drunk, dirty, or have touched a woman lately. 4:43
Virgins await those who enter paradise. 4:57
They invoke in his (Allah’s) stead only females. 4:117
Don’t bother trying to treat your wives fairly. It’s impossible. 4:129
“Unto the male is the equivalent share of two females.” 4:176
When it’s time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can’t find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6
Men and women are enemies! (Or is it humans and Iblis? Sometimes Allah isn’t all that clear about these things.) 7:24
If your ... your wives ... are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger ... then wait till Allah bringeth His command to pass.” 9:24
Lot offers his daughters to a mob of angel rapers. 11:78
“The guile of you women ... is very great.” 12:28
Lot offers his daughters to a mob of angel rapers. 15:71
“Every nursing mother will forget her nursling and every pregnant one will be delivered of her burden and thou (Muhammad) wilt see mankind as drunken, yet they will not be drunken, but the Doom of Allah will be strong (upon them).”
When the doom of Allah comes, pregnant women will suffer miscarriages, and men will act like they are drunk. 22:2
You don’t have to be modest around your wives or your slave girls “that your right hand possesses.” 23:6
If you accuse an honorable woman of adultery, be sure to bring four witnesses. Otherwise, you will receive 80 lashes. 24:4
A husband can accuse his wife of adultery with only one witness (himself). But he has to swear five times (so he can count as four or more separate witnesses in accordance with 24.4). 24:6
Believing women must lower their gaze and be modest, cover themselves with veils, and not reveal themselves except to their husbands, relatives, children, and slaves. 24:31
“And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), write it for them if ye are aware of aught of good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which He hath bestowed upon you. Force not your slave girls to whoredom.”
Well, I guess this is about as good as it gets in the Quran. Allah encourages you to set your slaves free if they are good enough. And don’t pimp out your slave girls (concubines). 24:33
If Muhammad’s wives are good, Allah will give them “an immense reward.” 33:28-29
The wives of Muhammad will be punished double for lewdness. (And that is easy for Allah.) 33:30
The wives of Muhammad are not like other women. They must not leave their houses. 33:32-33
When Allah or Muhammad decide that a man and a woman should marry, they must marry. 33:36
Allah gave Zainab to Muhammad in marriage. This was so that all Muslims would know that it’s OK to marry your adopted son’s ex-wife. 33:37
Allah says it is lawful for Muhammad to marry any woman, and however many women, he wants. 33:50-51
If men must speak to Muhammad’s wives they must speak from behind a curtain. And no one must ever marry one of his wives. 33:53
But it’s OK for Muhammad’s wives to talk with certain people. 33:55
Women must cover themselves when in public. 33:59
Those who “did wrong” will go to hell, and their wives will go to hell with them (no matter how they behaved). 37:22-23
But the single-minded slaves of Allah will enjoy a Garden filled with lovely-eyed virgins. 37:40-48
Female companions await those who enter the Gardens of Eden on the Day of Reckoning. 38:52
Allah will reward faithful Muslims after they die with “fair ones with wide, lovely eyes.” 44:54
Allah will reward those in the Garden with beautiful wives with wide, lovely eyes. 52:20
Allah will give those in the Garden women of modest gaze whom neither man nor jinn have touched. (Or it might be white raisins instead of modest virgins.) 55:56, 55:72-74
Those in the Garden will be attended by immortal youths with wide, lovely eyes. (Or it might be white raisins instead of immortal youths.) 56:17-23
Allah made virgins to be lovers and friends to those on his right hand. 56:36-37
Your wives and children are your enemies. They are to you only a temptation. 64:14-15
Instructions for divorcing your wives. 65:1-6
Allah’s rules for divorcing wives that have not yet reached puberty. 65:4
O Prophet! Why bannest thou that which Allah hath made lawful for thee, seeking to please thy wives?”
Allah says it’s OK for Muhammad to have sex with any of his wives whenever he wants. 66:1
Muhammad’s wives need to be careful. If they criticize their husband, Allah will replace them with better ones. 66:5
The wives of Noah and Lot (who were both righteous) betrayed their husbands and are now in the Fire. 66:10
Doom is about to fall on all disbelievers. Only worshippers (Muslims) and those who preserve their chastity (except with their wives and slave girls) will be spared from “the fires of hell” that are “eager to roast.” 70:1-30
You don’t have to be chaste around your wives or your slave girls. 70:29-30
Abu Lahab will die and be plunged into a flaming Fire. His wife will have a halter of palm fiber on her neck. 111:1-5
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