Posted on 07/03/2023 11:45:28 AM PDT by proust
Let them go back to work!
Agreed. It needs to take into account a lot of circumstances, just not be automatic.
My daughter had to pay alimony of $3500/month for 10 months to her cheating, alcoholic ex-husband. He had a good job til he married her, at which time he promptly quit his job. Oh, she also had to pay his parents back for money THEY borrowed from them to put down on a house, which she got stuck with having to make payments on. And no child support, since they share custody of their child. The Ex went and lived with mommy and daddy for 5 years, while my daughter worked her tail off, sold the house (which he had had bugged), and eventually bought a better one with money that she, alone, earned. And guess who gets to pay for their child’s private school, now that her neighborhood school is pushing CRT and all kinds of other progressive crap? NOT him. He has the education and ability to make just as much money as my daughter, but none of the drive and determination she has.
Nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by the wife.
I got divorced, after 26 years of marriage, when I walked in on my ex-wife making out with the son of our kid’s piano teacher in a hospital waiting room. Shortly thereafter, she moved in with the guy, leaving me to take care of our 3 kids who remained at home on my own.
We had been married 26 years. During our marriage, I had trained as, and then started working as, an attorney. She stayed at home to take care of the kids. So I was fine with the idea of paying alimony for a reasonable period of time, until she could retrain to prepare for her own employment.
She could have obtained a much better settlement in our divorce than she actually got if she had just been willing to talk. But, because I was a lawyer (who had never handled a disputed family law case), she completely refused. Indeed, for quite a while, she would only communicate with me by e-mail, in haiku.
So in addition to paying her, I had to pay an attorney to get our case ready for trial.
Her attorney then failed to adequately prepare the expert her attorney had hired to testify about the value of my law practice. So, she settled on the first day of trial for quite a bit less than she would have gotten if she had just been willing to talk at the start of the case.
She took the position that she wanted to retrain to start working as a nurse, taking care of aged/end of life patients. So, after the divorce was finalized, I got to pay for several years of college, in addition to child support and alimony.
Although she was in a “permanent” relationship with the piano teacher’s son, she made a point of not getting married so as not to cut off the alimony. They got married the working day after the end of the month when I paid my last alimony payment. To make a statement to me, I think.
After she graduated and got her nursing certificate, she tried working as a nurse for about 3 months. At that point, she decided that she really didn’t want to work, apparently because working required, you know, work. And she hasn’t worked since.
I am still working, and will be at least until I turn 68.
Both she and her now hubby now live on the money they got from me, and money from inheritances. She is expecting to receive at least a million dollars in further inheritance when her aging father passes (but since she recently fell out with him, that may now be in question).
She has recently moved to a different state, leaving me as the principal support person for our (now adult) kids. Which is fine, as they all think she is crazy.
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> Although she was in a “permanent” relationship with the piano teacher’s son, she made a point of not getting married so as not to cut off the alimony. <
I’m curious about something. And since you are an attorney, if you don’t mind I’m going to ask you.
In the situation that you described above, couldn’t the living arrangement be declared to be a common-law marriage after enough time has passed?
And yet I know 3 women, my mother included, that got dumped after 20 years+, and now have high paying jobs. My mother makes more then I do, and her only job was scooping ice cream before they got married. works from home as an admin making 30-35 an hour.
stop moaning about how unfair life is and do something about it. It’s quite possible, contrary to what your saying.
and stop being sexist about how its okay to rape someone decades of their earned money, because your too damn lazy to live in the present and get a damn job. splitting the earned assets during marriage is already enough.
Doesn’t alimony come after arsenic in the periodic table?
My mom was widowed in her 50s… she was married at 18, stayed home to raise 4 kids, had no degree, health issues, and was nearly bankrupted with my dad’s medical bills. But she could type… and she got a job as a church secretary. Later got an administrative job in the school system which provided her much needed health insurance. She had to work her way up there too. It was really hard for her but she did it on her own and did not accept help from any of her children.
She supported herself until she passed 20 years later (from ALS)
All blessings to your mom, but you sort of proved my point - she was in deep financial distress due to her partnering with dad for the benefit of your family until her 50s.
This is the fate of many women who are ill used by their husbands. Not all.
I think a judge needs to look at the whole picture. Sometimes no alimony is warranted. Sometimes lifetime is.
I am not moaning. I argue for justice.
I have not been dumped and am doing just fine.
However had I been dumped, after no college, no career, and homeschooling and rearing five kids through high school, I really should have received life time alimony. Because I earned it and got exploited and used, in that case.
When my husband went on permanent, early disability due to several life threatening health problems involving cancer, kidneys, and heart . . .
although I have worked PT ALL MY LIFE in addition to FT homemaking, child rearing, and homeschooling of five excellent kids. . .
I could not even get an interview. Even with strong local references and plenty of connections. I tried for a year. I drive a taxi now. Thankfully I wasn’t dumped.
So no, there are not lucrative opportunities for women in their fifties with no educational credits and no career building activities in their past.
It is not extreme. Men who marry a young lady and build a life, family, children and career with her - and then leave her for a younger model once they are well established - is a common trope for a reason.
Obviously it is not all the time but it is common.
A lady I knew was incensed when she learned she would have to pay alimony to her ex-husband. She made significantly more than he did.
Did you stay on friendly terms? For the kids, I mean.
🤣
Anyway, I am not arguing for automatic lifetime alimony! I just think sometimes it is warranted and should not be banned.
As for abuse, true physical abuse is NOT hard to prove. It’s not as common as trading in your older model who dedicated her life to you for a trophy wife, however.
Its so easy to get a job right now. Insanely easy. Might be the best job market in human history. My brother got out of prison in mid-2019 at the age of 38 with 56 felonies (including 1st degree kidnapping), no HS diploma and no job history (been in prison for 20 years) and has had 12 jobs in the last 4 years in a smallish town outside of Greensboro NC. Currently makes $22/hr in a very cheap to live town.
May not be the job you want to start, but good employees stand out and move up quickly (I’ve been promoted ~15 times in my 21 year career). You might have benefited from working with a recruiter or coach that could help you with a resume and interview practice/feedback. Someone in your situation probably did not interview well would be my guess, or were shooting too high to start.
Permanent alimony for the husband, some might reversal think.
I’d say that’s fairly uncommon as you laid out. Now, cheats with another women and the wife leaves? That’s more common. But he wouldn’t be working past 62 on average anyway (avg retirement age in the US is 62), why would you expect him to continue to pay till you die at hopefully 85-95? Just unrealistic.
True physical abuse yes, but most alimony claims are for mental abuse. And again, I cannot see a legitimate case to argue alimony beyond normal retirement age (again, currently average of 62 in the US)
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