End of life decisions are especially hard. My mother had Advanced Directives, my husband and I went to a lawyer early in his Alzheimers when he could still talk and reason to prepare his. They both wanted to die at home. Mom had been hospitalized and hated the fuss and lights and wake up for treatments She had open chest surgery at age 78 having a pig valve used to replace her defective Mitral Valve. At 89 the pig valve was failing and she was too frail for another surgery. I brought her to my home.
For six months a pallitive nurse came once a week, which helped. Finally something happened and her heart started beating 120 beats/minute and would not slow down. The nurse said she might die in 3 days to 3 weeks. She slipped into a light coma. The nurse said let her stay in that state, don’t try to wake her. Earlier she had trouble sleeping because she was very aware of dying. Her nephew a doctor told me to get Ativan and give at bedtime which helped her sleep. She would become agitated in this comatose state. I would mix Ativan in water and gave her a few drops with an eye dropper. She would become peaceful again. It took her 2 days to die. After she died the city required a police car to stay outside the house until her body was removed. I told the police this was an old lady who died of natural causes, not a gang killing requiring protection. I asked my oldest son, a
cousin and a friend to come for a private viewing and sharing of memories. The police eventually decided it was safe to leave. The funeral service came a few hours later.
My husband was getting VA treatment. February 2005 he had a seizure. In March I took him and his Advanced Directives to meet with two VA doctors. They asked him to stand and turn around in circles. This was hard for him. They asked if he would want aggressive measures to treat him if he was failing. He did not understand. Then I asked him if he got very sick did he want to have the hospital put IV needles in his arm and feeding tubes in his stomach. He shouted NO!! The doctors said ask him again. He again shouted NO!! They said take him home and call us if you need guidance.
The first week of June, he collapsed and was hospitalized. I knew from caring for my mother Medicare had a provision that after 3 days of hospital treatment you could have 20 free days of Rehabilitation Nursing Home care to accomplish a recovery goal. Our goal was for him to walk up a flight of stairs to our bedroom. Around June 19 I brought him home and he walked upstairs to bed. The next day he did not want to eat, my son arrived and we called the VA doctors. They said if he wants to eat or drink give him food or water. If he does not, leave him alone. My son and I had a long talk, and he flew home the next day. My husband slipped into a coma, the hospice nurse came daily, gave me pain medication (Morphine, never needed) and other things. On June 27 he stopped living. I called the VA and they sent the hospice nurse to verify death. She asked me to return any left over Morphine. Then I called the service that had taken my mother 9 years earlier. They came in a few hours.
The 20 days FREE Rehabilitation Nursing Home care is a wonderful service. If likely to need it, check if that service is still available. Several years ago I learned that some hospitals were not FORMALLY admitting patients. You had to have 3 full days of hospital admission according to the rules then in effect. If that is still the case insist you see your loved one is officially admitted on paper to protect your rights. Be strong in the Lord’s care, and preserve your legal rights.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I went through something similar.
I would like to say that my husband, with cancer, rebounded from sepsis and went into remission.
We spent a couple years living as a result.