[Brookhaven]

I didn’t write it, but I thought it was a good story of what is going on.

Perhaps you can ping the author on his site or Twitter (handle is: personified).

[RoosterRedux]

I thought it was a good story, but the author needs to keep the original story line going and then weave his message into that.

People, the girl in this case, are always more interesting than the moral of the story. She needs to be front and center.