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I pray Trump goes to the dais with a grocery bag and sets it down by his notes.

Mr Vice-President, Senators, Representatives, Justices, my fellow Americans,
As we have seen last night and today, there is no winner allowed in Iowa and in fact there could be no winner because the non-winners would be hurt and scarred. But, I’ve come to the rescue and to save the day. I have in this bag participation trophies for each candidate that I will deliver to the female behind me to dispense to the players in this latest democrat farce.
I do wish to make two more comments and that is one, there is a special trophy for Jabba the Hutt recognizing his sprint to the speaker’s box. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.....this lifelike bronze hog is for you and two, there is a lifelike trophy shaped as a turd for the female behind me to remind her of her district, “The Streets of San Francisco.”