You forgot knob-gobbling rump ranger.
Ok, how's this: Well, I don't know . . . I don't think it would be appropriate or right to use terms like knob-gobbling rump ranger, Barbie hugging Broadway-showgirl tootsie-roll-eating lizard worshiper, post pulling, brown-wind-loving pole pushing vacuum-lipped anal warrior, a carrot-swallowing poodle owning skipping little hotdog-eater, a chalk-licking lavender sniffing cheeky merry-monkey pole-vaulter, a cigar smoking giggling little donut-puncher, a Crisco-hoarding, rainbow-prancing, fuchsia puffed batty boy, a feminine-acting, stick-twiddling parade-marching ball-juggler, a gerbil-feeding flower sniffing rainbow-squatting, bottoms-up boy, a giggling little donut-puncher, a glitter-loving tail-tickling Cleveland Steamer pooftah, a ham-slamming organ grinder, a latte-swilling, boy-texting pump-a-loaf bread-boffer, a limp-wristed prancing knob-jockey , a loafer-lightening grass-tickling pounder of fudge, a merrily-hopping NPR-listening musical-favoring chin-trauma patient, a merry delicate lightly-prancing dress-favoring protein-burper, a pearl-necklace adorned tumblebunny , a petal-covered swishing basket-burglar , a pink-sequin-adorned squeeze-friendly rectum-flagellator, a quiche-slurping, glitter-coated nimble-dancer, a rose-sprinkling, first-chair rusty-trombone pole-vaulter, a rump-radar-pinging, butterbutt loving, feathered drag princess, a sibilants-pronouncing girl-drink-swilling fruity little balltender, a silent-screaming bed-bouncing pump-wearing butt pilot, a skipping lavender-scented pillow-biter, a skipping lavender-scented pillow-biter, a soap-dropping, spanks-wearing, cabana-boy-loving, turd burglarizing rug bumper, Hershey highway loving butt pirate, sodomite Sallys, polishers of floorboards, muff divers, or carpet munchers.
Turd burglar.