How about: "Myself and the other officer arrested the gentleman..."
It was myself and John.
"The media literally had a cow." (Rush Limbaugh)
Mischievous (almost always mispronounced "mis-CHEE-VEE-us")
Asterisk (frequently pronounced "asterix")
Blah blah blah blah like blah blah blah blah like blah blah like blah blah blah like blah blah blah blah like blah blah blah blah blah.
I would have went...
Standard reporting from the lamebrained "newsmedia": "A gentleman killed twenty people, raped ten women, and set fire to the building. The suspect was shot and killed."