Among the Euro Weenies "...Eventually he got, as the Europeans always do, to the part about "Your country's never been invaded." ... "You don't know the horror, the suffering. You think war is..."
I snapped. "A John Wayne movie," I said. "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? We think war is a John Wayne movie. We think life is a John Wayne movie - with good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something, Mister Limey Poofter? You're right. And let me tell you who the bad guys are.
They're us. WE BE BAD.
"We're the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We're three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock-market crash on our mother's side. You take your Germany, France, Spain, roll them all together and it wouldn't give us room to park our cars.
We're the big boys, Jack, the original, giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in the Cap d'Antibes. And we've got an American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant metric numbers go.
"You say our country's never been invaded? You're right, little buddy. Because I'd like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who'd have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get out hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'Cheerio.' Hell can't hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, fcuk longer, and buy more things than you know the names of. I'd rather be a junkie in New York than king, queen, and jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and siht them out before lunch."
Of course, the guy should have punched me. But this was Europe. He just smiled his shabby, superior European smile.
God, don't these people have dentists?"
Nearly spit iced tea out my nose with P.J.’s rant. Especially liked the “junkie in NY” line...
Love me some PJ.
L
Love that P.J. O’Rourke, the man that gave us “A Parliament of whores”.