I hear ya, Van. My wife of 20 years has had a “headache” for more than half of those years. She “lost all interest” after a hysterectomy but I’m still good to go, so to speak. I’m just permanently benched.
And there ain’t jack I can do about it. I can’t say anything (though I keep hinting) and I sure can’t force the issue at risk of arrest or worse. I don’t cheat so that option is off the table as well.
I thought marriage involved a certain level of shared sacrifice and “taking one for the team” now and then, but I was wrong. Or at least I was wrong to think that was a 2-way street. She holds all the cards. I love my wife but now I wear a swim suit when I take a shower because I’m morally opposed to looking down on the unemployed.
It’s frustrating as hell but I wonder how many other married men (millions?) go to work every morning just horny as hell and savagely frustrated.
Yeah, I know it’s all just self-pity. Sorry. *Sigh*
If what you describe is accurate, you really need to find a good marriage counselor and a lawyer, plan your exit as Plan B, and insist she cooperate with Plan A — marriage counseling.
I’m a woman and I say this. Living without sex in marriage due to the other person’s unwillingness is abusive.
On the other hand, if it’s really a case of you being passive and fearful of her and her looking for you to approach her in some other way than what you have been doing, and both of you failed to communicate and eventually gave up, re-read the solution in Paragraph 1 and skip the lawyer part until such time as counseling might convince you there’s no going back.
If your car had a loud rattle and “check engine” lights going on, you wouldn’t hesitate to spend money to get it fixed. Fixing your marriage is critically important to your health, finances and longevity, not even to mention your happiness and that of any children who may be witnessing this role modeling, no matter how old said children are.