Just my view of things. I ran a software company for 30 years. I had lots of foreign, mostly Asian employees and most of them are now citizens. When it came to the Chinese, they look at themselves as one in a billion. Those who get here have done it by testing into the top 1% and working very hard and having a great deal of gumption or in some cases they are the spouse of those people. When they meet your wife, because she looks Chinese, they are still competing with her. Its not too fair. Your wife knows all the rules. They don’t. Your wife understands America and Americans and users and bosses and laws.
But I don’t think its so much sexism that makes her have a problem with the Chinese men. There is cast in China. The two peaks of which are University of Shanghai and the true Shanghai accent. I watched one of my best Chinese male programmers cower to a Chinese women who went to The University of Shanghia. She wasn’t smarter, or better in any other way, but she was the creme de la creme in her own eyes. And the others seemed to agree that she was superior. I also ran into a Chinese guy who people would not eat with. They explained to me, he was a farmer. So of course they would not eat with him. The fact that he also had a PhD in Mathematics did not matter to them. We in America have sexism and racism but they have lots of isms that we have not dreamed of. From the south, from the country, from a lessor city, part of the government, dark skin, are all reasons for them to feel superior to another Chinese person. The interesting thing is that your children and theirs will happily play together with all those issues left behind.
So true! (I am enjoying our back and forth on this.) My wife and her siblings were raised here in the USA. So many differences from what her relatives endured in China. Her mom was born into a wealthy family in China. My wife's grandfather on her mom's side had three wives. Because the first two bore no sons. Third wife bore a daughter (my wife's mom); the guy went and adopted a son the same day she was born, paying lots of cash. That adopted son inherited everything, the real daughter (my wife's mom) got nothing. My wife's mom had an arranged marriage by the family, married off to my wife's dad without meeting him, he traveling from the USA to pick her up in China. (Soon after, the communists took over and the adopted son lost everything to the communists, boo-hoo!) Anyway, my wife's mom would send money to the adopted son! Even though she got cheated out of everything. Again, cultural differences. Women are expected to cater to the men, one of those "isms". My wife says hell no, she would never put up with that.