My story as well.
but I later came into Christianity due to a credible encounter with the Savior.
Haven't been so fortunate, but I pray to Jesus and try to believe.
Well, I had to come to a place where my own self-will, my genius, my human insight, had reached such an end of powerless frustration that I was forced to chuck aside my (huge) pride.
Asking Jesus into your life is the biggest danger in one way, the biggest safety in another. If it really happens, it will throw you down and then pick you back up with a new point of view. And God won’t do that until you really are willing to undergo that.