Had a brother-in-law go through this in the 90’s. The soon to be ex-wife was on crack, their infant baby had been given the drug and was rushed to the hospital at one point, the ex had no job or means of support and the brother-in-law was working, had no criminal record and a stable home. According to the judge unless the mom is caught in the act of using an illegal drug by law enforcement the mother gets the children.
For years he would go pick up the child on the weekend and and bring her home and his Mom would be waiting at the door and they would have to peel the clothes off this little girl and throw them away, take her straight to a bath and clean the layers of filth off her. She got to eat and sleep in a clean bed for two days and then back to hell. But the judge had the childs best interest at heart...
Yes, its not as bad as it used to be, but yes the mother could be an axe murderer and the court would still give them custody... Every study ever done has shown if a child is in a one parent home they do better if that parent is a father than a mother... Yet, father’s are still not given a fair shake in the courts.
Share 50/50 custody should be the defacto standard unless there is some serious extenuating circumstances... instead it is not. Mother is given preferential treatment under the law even if it isn’t explicitly written that way, that’s the reality of it.
Fortunately not dealing with anything near that level... but as I said the system itself mad a bad situation far far worse. What could have just been a sad but amicable situation is turned into a bitter, angst situation that basically poisons the relationship forever.
I did not hate my ex wife, until the divorce process, and honestly my divorce was tame by divorce standards, but the process itself almost seems set up to poison it. The best interest of no one is served, except divorce lawyers, and vindictive spouses. There is no cooler head or release valve to help when someone is being irrational.. in fact the system almost encourages irrationality.
It is sad, and I would not suggest anyone go through it, especially if they have kids, if they have a choice. Been close to 6 years now, and while I wish my ex no ill will, if she dropped dead in a horrific painful death, I likely would not have any sympathy for her... and that’s a shame. My biggest goal in life is to avoid dealing with her as much as possible and that’s not good for my kids, but its the reality of where the relationship was taken during the divorce.