One of the commenters at the Scott Adams blog said that Cruz reminded her of a mortician trying to sell you the most expensive casket. Ever since reading that I can’t get the image out of my mind.
“Cruz reminded her of a mortician trying to sell you the most expensive casket”
OK, here we go. After seeing above the Tedster unintentionally throw a Ray Nitscke forearm into Heidi’s right chop ...
the next day Heidi talked to their insurance agent about more life insurance coverage, then she mentioned in passing to Ted that they might want to do some pre-funeral planning because, you know—we’ve all got to go sometime. Life itself is fatal.
So the couple went to the best funeral home in Austin. The funeral director laid out the red carpet for them.
He seated them in plush armchairs and they were served sweet rolls and coffee.
“Now, Senator Cruz. I’m thinking that a man of your stature—you will certainly want our `Royal Package’. That includes a horse drawn Victorian-era hearse, a marching band playing a dirge, a riderless horse with boots turned backward, one or both of your daughters coached, or a child actor, to salute you as you pass, a 900 square foot mausoleum, a ...
“No no no!” said Cruz. “Something simple.”
Taken aback, the mortician replied, “Very good. We have a premium package for persons of note. A marble vault with golden cherubs at all four corners. A choir, two harpists and ... “
“No.” said Ted.
By this time greatly confused, the undertaker gathered his thoughts then ventured, “OK then. A grade II bronze casket, a floral arrangement, a singer from your church ... “
By this time Cruz was perturbed. “All I want is a pine box, with the lid laid on, and hole in the ground with a piece of plywood laid over it! And I’ll only need it for three days.”