Only one looking stupid is you. The official name for the Federal Government from your high-school civics class is “These Untied States’ Federal Government.” Please note its possessive from the States and States is Plural.
But then when you are badly educated as you have demonstrated in public its not a surprising.
America is not a democracy with a singular head as your position has indicated, its a Constitutional Republic with Soverign States that have their own governments and laws. The United part is where the States united to provide a common defense for all states, to provide for unrestricted commerce between the states and to manage trade with foreign countries.
The States have the power under the 5th Amendment to disband the entire federal government.
now you are spitting out gibberish when that answer to
“In your opinion, what are the top three functions of the United States government?”
sorry, no spin like that can recover him.