The fatality is not even in the misstep, in most cases.
It’s in the inability to follow up appropriately, which often can reflect a lack of flexibility.
Take macaca. It’s not a racial slur, it’s a monkey. It’s not a slur of the monkey’s name, it’s the proper latin for the annoying little monkeys who range over most of the world. He should have been able to handle it. But, even me, I just about typed “little brown monkey” and that would have tainted it.