Everyone should get on board with the team’s noble attempt at consciousness raising. I think I am catching on. To demonstrate the sincerity of my conversion, here’s some additional demands for the protest:
Wasn’t Little Black Sambo tormented by a tiger. Gotta change that Mizzou mascot.
Will be interesting to watch ESPN squirm. Their reflex is to side with any lefty sentiment. Probably need to commit to producing a 14 hour ‘conscience raising’ special.
Around 1980 Randy Newman did a song called Rednecks. Better known for its ‘keeping the n*****s down’ refrain. Make that the new Mizzou fight song? Might have to modify my favorite line from the song:
‘college men from LSU, went in dumb come out dumb too.’
While we’re getting rid of the Confed flag, it’s time to address whitey oppression in college mascots:
LSU Tigers - named after COL Roberdeau Wheat’s Louisiana infantry regiment in the Army of Northern Virginia. Not sure if he was a slaveowner, but, hey, even if he wasn’t you just know he wanted to be one.
UNC Tarheels - also named after an ANV infantry unit after it made a stubborn stand against overwhelming numbers.
Ole Miss Rebels - obvious (can UNLV be far behind?)
Since both the Alabama and Florida state flags contain the St. Andrews cross, Mizzou should be declared East and West division champs and play an intersquad game in Atlanta for the SEC championship. Along the lines of always mentioning stadium corporate names and banning ‘Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party’, the media will be warned against referring to the game as the Reparations Bowl.
Touchdown signal must be changed to black power salute (only in conferences with teams in former slave states).
Use of title ‘coach’ must be banned as it brings up painful memories of black slaves driving white owners’ fancy conveyances.
Smokey at UT is clearly a bloodhound bred for pursuing runaway slaves, so he’s gotta go.
Use of term ‘field goal’ must be changed as ‘field’ obviously refers to cotton field. ‘Field judge’ is even more offensive; might just as well call him an overseer. ‘Cotton Bowl’ will become the ‘Domestic Fiber Bowl’. ‘Sugar Bowl ‘ almost as bad. TV prognosticators and announcers should also drop the term ‘pick’ for its association with plantation agriculture. ‘Shotgun’ is also pretty risky for its connection to slavecatching. Is ‘wishbone’ some sly reference to fried chicken?
Am I getting the hang of this being offended thing?
Power to the Peephole!
I don’t know if you watched it but “Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” would NOT be mentioned on TV.
This Nation is going nuts.