I am sorry for the experiences you speak of — with your friends. That is very sad.
Count me as a cynic on this topic. Which came first, the mental illness or the substance abuse. I say the later. Counselors frequently say the former. But then they are very inclined to look for anything and anyone to blame except the person deserving blame — the person sitting in their office.
I have many examples. I will share the latest. My niece. She has been told she was a one who tried to “self medicate.” I disagree. She made bad choices. Her behavior reflected it. Then she was looking for a excuse.
That may seem harsh but I actually think it is kinder than providing an excuse. Better to accept responsibility. It is the only real way to improve.
Do you have any training or credentials, or just opinions?
Do you believe me that their is a field in phycology specializing in “dual diagnosis?” There is.
Do you think if your tooth is ill, it is a bad decision, or evil?
I believed what you stated, about 30 years ago when told my younger sister had mental illness, depression.
I scoffed at it. Of course I was completely ignorant and uninformed. I didn’t grasp that the brain, like other organs, could have physical and chemical problems.
Fortunately I learned over the years, and have accepted 21st century science n the field of medicine.
I am also nearly 22 years sober. My sister never drank alcohol or took any drugs. Just mental illness, and in her case she didn’t self medicate, which is fortunate.
Many times these mentally ill people feel so awful, they want to kill themselves, but instead shut down the anguish with drugs and/or alcohol.
If you are still angry with your mother, try to understand that she may have been doing the best that she could.