I'll help him out:
Donald Trump causes global warming, infanticide, glacial formation, the sinking of the Titanic, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and fire ants. Donald Trump is the cause of late mail, lack of adequate punctuation, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and feminine itching. Donald Trump is the cause of fixed greyhound races, the metric system, errors in longitudinal measurements, and smaller portions. Donald Trump is the cause of angry wives, Speedos on fat people, mismatched socks, and mold on cucumbers. Donald Trump is the cause of the Zombie Apocalypse, interstellar planetary collisions, muteness in albinos, and killer bees. Donald Trump is the cause of gingivitis, off-key chorus singing, air inversions, and incremental floods. Donald Trump is the cause of fans that quit, entropy, soap shards in the shower, and fat girls. Donald Trump is the cause of cold oatmeal, excessive blogging, sweat stains, and misfires in 9mm ammunition. Donald Trump is the cause of cabinet doors that do not line up, cracks in the sidewalk, the scourge of heroin, and every plane crash since 1972. Donald Trump is the cause of John McCain, senility, traitorism, and infiltration by the left (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of low toner, high transmission rates, delivery service price increases, and gaudy shirts. Donald Trump is the cause of splinters, earth tremors, Gamma ray emission by the element Lawrencium, and the lack of hobbits in real life. Donald Trump is the cause of Facebook monitoring, trigger happy SWAT teams, pencil-neck geeks, and the Yellowstone Caldera. Donald Trump is the cause of Russia, France, Sweden, and Zambia. Donald Trump is the cause of carbon buildup, broken bungee cords, bad lap dances, and a lack of friendly greetings in cities. Donald Trump is the cause of paper cuts, whirlpools, thunder, and machine disconnects. Donald Trump is the cause of honey badgers, rigidity, painful exercise, and linear contraction. Donald Trump is the cause of Nancy Pelosi, botox overdoses, pure insanity, and Alzheimers (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of regression analysis, micro-stamping, failed unions, and misaligned microwave towers. Donald Trump is the cause of blurry lenses, spider bites, stains, and legless crocodiles. Donald Trump is the cause of missing keyboard keys, unexpected phone calls, broken pottery, and squeaking doors. Donald Trump is the cause of warning labels on appliances, erectile dysfunction, waterspouts, and potholes. Donald Trump is the cause of canker sores, narcissistic Presidents, leaking toilets, and crack addiction. Donald Trump is the cause of corroded pennies, locomotive derailments, internet trolls, and wardrobe failures. Donald Trump is the cause of ADHD in the clergy, Blue Screens of Death on personal computers, the French Revolution of 1789, and thorns. Donald Trump is the cause of bad Muppet shows, holes in circus nets, the NFL going all-queer, all-the-time, and Sandra Fluke's birth-control deficit. Donald Trump is the cause of Israel's problems with Syria, excessive salt in the Pacific Ocean, the disappearance of Malaysian Air flight 370, and infomercials. Donald Trump is the cause of low-calorie diet soda, smudges on the Xerox, dry technical text, and animal abuse. Donald Trump is the cause of glass shards, bad pudding, hair cancer, and sun-dried dead worms. Donald Trump is the cause of porcelin stains, droughts, turbulence above 10000 feet, and power brown-outs. Donald Trump is the cause of low scores on Angry Birds, weak tea, Michael Jackson's early demise, and Micheal Jackson. Donald Trump is the cause of bad combovers, Chris Matthews, alcoholism, and spittle (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of Donald Trump, micturition syncope, solar eclipses, and dead lithium batteries. Donald Trump is the cause of Quiznos spongmonkeys, badly behaved Colonels, Boris Badenov, and the shipwreck of the Minnow. Donald Trump is the cause of failed sitcoms, knots you cannot get undone, overly-rare hamburgers at restaurants, and Miley Cyrus. Donald Trump is the cause of squeaking hinges, malformed carrots, bent coathangers, and slippery decks. Donald Trump is the cause of the 2014 Midterms, tarnished silver, wobbling fans, and tangled power cables. Donald Trump is the cause of off-hook phones, shattered ceramics, dull scissors, and dogeared books.
Excellent consider it stolen, er borrowed!
“Donald Trump causes global warming, infanticide, glacial formation, the sinking of the Titanic, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and fire ants. Donald Trump is the cause of late mail, lack of adequate punctuation, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and feminine itching. Donald Trump is the cause of fixed greyhound races, the metric system, errors in longitudinal measurements, and smaller portions. Donald Trump is the cause of angry wives, Speedos on fat people, mismatched socks, and mold on cucumbers. Donald Trump is the cause of the Zombie Apocalypse, interstellar planetary collisions, muteness in albinos, and killer bees. Donald Trump is the cause of gingivitis, off-key chorus singing, air inversions, and incremental floods. Donald Trump is the cause of fans that quit, entropy, soap shards in the shower, and fat girls. Donald Trump is the cause of cold oatmeal, excessive blogging, sweat stains, and misfires in 9mm ammunition. Donald Trump is the cause of cabinet doors that do not line up, cracks in the sidewalk, the scourge of heroin, and every plane crash since 1972. Donald Trump is the cause of John McCain, senility, traitorism, and infiltration by the left (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of low toner, high transmission rates, delivery service price increases, and gaudy shirts. Donald Trump is the cause of splinters, earth tremors, Gamma ray emission by the element Lawrencium, and the lack of hobbits in real life. Donald Trump is the cause of Facebook monitoring, trigger happy SWAT teams, pencil-neck geeks, and the Yellowstone Caldera. Donald Trump is the cause of Russia, France, Sweden, and Zambia. Donald Trump is the cause of carbon buildup, broken bungee cords, bad lap dances, and a lack of friendly greetings in cities. Donald Trump is the cause of paper cuts, whirlpools, thunder, and machine disconnects. Donald Trump is the cause of honey badgers, rigidity, painful exercise, and linear contraction. Donald Trump is the cause of Nancy Pelosi, botox overdoses, pure insanity, and Alzheimers (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of regression analysis, micro-stamping, failed unions, and misaligned microwave towers. Donald Trump is the cause of blurry lenses, spider bites, stains, and legless crocodiles. Donald Trump is the cause of missing keyboard keys, unexpected phone calls, broken pottery, and squeaking doors. Donald Trump is the cause of warning labels on appliances, erectile dysfunction, waterspouts, and potholes. Donald Trump is the cause of canker sores, narcissistic Presidents, leaking toilets, and crack addiction. Donald Trump is the cause of corroded pennies, locomotive derailments, internet trolls, and wardrobe failures. Donald Trump is the cause of ADHD in the clergy, Blue Screens of Death on personal computers, the French Revolution of 1789, and thorns. Donald Trump is the cause of bad Muppet shows, holes in circus nets, the NFL going all-queer, all-the-time, and Sandra Fluke’s birth-control deficit. Donald Trump is the cause of Israel’s problems with Syria, excessive salt in the Pacific Ocean, the disappearance of Malaysian Air flight 370, and infomercials. Donald Trump is the cause of low-calorie diet soda, smudges on the Xerox, dry technical text, and animal abuse. Donald Trump is the cause of glass shards, bad pudding, hair cancer, and sun-dried dead worms. Donald Trump is the cause of porcelin stains, droughts, turbulence above 10000 feet, and power brown-outs. Donald Trump is the cause of low scores on Angry Birds, weak tea, Michael Jackson’s early demise, and Micheal Jackson. Donald Trump is the cause of bad combovers, Chris Matthews, alcoholism, and spittle (but I repeat myself). Donald Trump is the cause of Donald Trump, micturition syncope, solar eclipses, and dead lithium batteries. Donald Trump is the cause of Quiznos spongmonkeys, badly behaved Colonels, Boris Badenov, and the shipwreck of the Minnow. Donald Trump is the cause of failed sitcoms, knots you cannot get undone, overly-rare hamburgers at restaurants, and Miley Cyrus. Donald Trump is the cause of squeaking hinges, malformed carrots, bent coathangers, and slippery decks. Donald Trump is the cause of the 2014 Midterms, tarnished silver, wobbling fans, and tangled power cables. Donald Trump is the cause of off-hook phones, shattered ceramics, dull scissors, and dogeared books.