I love football, myself. Apparently the rest of the world has a different interpretation of the sport, and as usual, the rest of the world is wrong. I mean, look, we're an apex predator. What makes us an apex predator is an opposable thumb, which enables a grip, around a stone axe, a spear, a rifle, or the opponent's throat. And what typifies soccer? You can't use that! You are forbidden by The Rules from employing the single attribute that has turned man from a fur-lingerie-wearing prey into a fire-breathing conqueror tearing the beating hearts out of his enemies and thrusting them, howling, toward the exultant war gods of the sky. And that's what I like about football, real football, not the dainty mincing across the pitch by lace-panty eunuchs but the screaming ecstasy of of tearing the reeking vitals out of an opponent and burning them on a fiery altar of pure, machismo lust!!!
Now, about baseball...