“It has come to our attention that ISIS would like to send additional terrorists to die in Texas. Because our populace is fully armed, this will present an awkward situation.
“Already, our office has been flooded with more than 200,000 requests for terrorist hunting permits. Since ISIS can not supply the number of terrorists we need to meet this demand, we are proposing the following regulations for a public comment period:
1. Seasonal bag limit will be 1 ISIS terrorist per permit holder
2. Terrorists so harvested must be tagged immediately on the big toe. This must occur before they are loaded onto trucks and driven through town to show them off.
3. We will likely have to hold a raffle to limit the number of permits. This is unfortunate, but we do not yet have a terrorist breeding program in place to supplement the ISIS volunteers.
4. A separate early black powder season and archery season will be scheduled
State of Texas Department of Wildlife
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Self-ping...