Mrs. Garrison: Hello doctor, looks like I need an abortion. [sits on the chair and puts his feet on the stirrups]
Doctor: ...an abortion?
Mrs. Garrison: Yeah, I’ve got one growing inside me. Now, are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out? [a nurse arrives and her jaw drops] ...If you want you can just scramble it and I’ll queef it out myself.
Doctor: Mmister Garrison-
Mrs. Garrison: [correcting him] Mrs. Garrison.
Doctor: Mmrs. Garrison, you can’t have an abortion.
Mrs. Garrison: Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t do with my body! [gets up, goes to the nurse, and hugs her] A woman has a right to choose!
Doctor: No, I mean you’re physically unable to have an abortion, because you can’t get pregnant.
Mrs. Garrison: But I missed my period.
Doctor: You can’t have periods either. [Mrs. Garrison looks surprised] You had a sex change, Mr. Garrison, but you don’t have ovaries or a womb. You don’t produce eggs.
Mrs. Garrison: [sits down] You mean, I’ll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
Doctor: N-that’s right.
Mrs. Garrison: But I paid five thousand dollars to be a woman. This would mean I I’m not really a woman. Ih, I’m just a... a I’m just a guy with a mutilated penis!
Doctor: Basically, yes.
Mrs. Garrison: ...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.
Wow. That was good.
California requires that insurance pay for infertility treatments for homosexuals, because they don’t conceive children naturally. It seems like the same logic would cover Bruce Jenner if he wanted to have a baby. So what if he’s actually male and in his 60s? That’s no excuse for denying him the experience of motherhood.