On being informed of the latest Islamist atrocity, Pope Francis stated he had a vision from Allah saying it didn’t happen while he was conducting an ecumenical conference with 15 mullahs from the Muslim Brotherhood. The purpose of the conference was to have the Pope bless prayer rugs to be used at the Vatican. El Comandante Obola, upon being informed, congratulated the Pope on his tolerant inclusiveness and agred that no such atrocity had occurred.
...and after that, Pope Francis said to go out and spank your kids.