[Mastador1]

Tawi-Tawi to Jolo Island in Sulu, an impoverished, predominantly Muslim province where the Abu Sayyaf has endured years of US-backed military offensives.

Upon hearing of the situation John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, profusely apologized to the rebels for any ill will caused by the hostage and immediately sent them humanitarian aid consisting of arms and ammunition while calling upon the UN to condemn inconsiderate hostages everywhere.

[txnativegop]

If only it WERE satire . . .