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Zeitel.

It's a long story.

At some point on June 12, 1975 afternoon, I began to feel an insane headache coming on. I don't get many headaches, and what few I do are mostly ignorable. I hate to medicate. However, this one was affecting my eyes and stomach and didn't feel like my usual "Lord, I'm getting old" sinus headache. I believe it was in reaction to my decision to clean the apartment. A defense mechanism, if you will.

Rather than medicate, I bought new sunglasses, we came home ,and I laid down for a while. Got up and turned on music, made dinner and fed my family. Sat down backwards on my chair, breaking my hip and both my legs, and decided that of course! Tonight was the night for movie haus!

I am an idiot.

I ran from the apartment, as the description assured me that the movie started at 7:30 and it was then 7:15. Ten minutes to get to the theater from here, and when I crossed the street, I angered a car. The spit cacodemons out its mouth. Now, I was hoping and praying it's the right one as there are two theaters on the same stretch of road within a quarter mile of each other, and I always go to the wrong one, the one NOT showing the movie I want to see -- only to find out that the movie begins at 8:00.

Oh. Okay. Excellent.

Ticket, 3D glasses and a half hour wait outside of their one 3D screening room while the various workers cleaned from the last show which was still letting out when I and a handful of my compatriots arrived. I stood in the corridor and tweeted and texted Bryan and fantasized about having a phone that not only played all of my music as my Sony Ericsson w580i does beautifully -- I'm very loyal -- but also texts with ease and has other fun features that could keep me occupied for half an hour as I wait for a movie. However, as much as I adore my practically old-fashioned phone, it's not terribly entertaining when not acting as my mp3 player, so I contented myself with listening to the other would-be movie-goers while pretending not to be paying any attention. This is what I learned: somewhere in Georgia there is snowboarding. I have never been snowboarding, but the mere fact that this opportunity exists excites me. I also learned that high-schoolers can be inappropriately affectionate in public. I also learned that yesterday, Avatar had been released exactly one month before.

The overall lesson is this: people are interesting.

The theater opened, newly cleaned. We poured in, like new wine. The snowboarders sat exactly in the row & position that I would have chosen -- durnit -- so I ended up in the row ahead of them, a mite too near the screen for comfort, but whatever; the seats are like recliners, so I just snuggled back as much as I could to make viewing less nauseating. I listened to the people around me and tweeted about it, wishing I knew how to dim the screen on my phone so I could tweet during the movie because I hate not having someone to talk to during a movie; Bryan and Bethany can both attest to this. I like to make comments and share snickers. (When I went to see Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe several years ago with my extended family, I actually ran up the aisle during the preview for Curious George so I could point out to my parents, seated further back, that the name of the ship was the H.A. Rey. You know, the author of the Curious George books? Yeah, my parents didn't care either.) Previews began. Screen froze. Guys behind me commented about loading icons, depending on the operating system that the theater is using. Previews began again. Guys behind me commented on how these previews are in 3D, no, wait, they aren't? No, they aren't. But they're orange if you wear the glasses. I was loving the annoying talking behind me.

The movie began. The movie was awesome. The movie was beautiful and lush and fun. I laughed inappropriately when no one else was laughing which is totally normal, so I knew I wasn't dead from the headache just yet. That's right, still nursing that headache, and, unsurprisingly, the headache worsened, more and more as the movie went on. I routinely dropped the 3D glasses practically to my chin so I could clamp my hands over my eyes and temples. Never for very long, though; I didn't want to miss any visuals. By the time the movie ended, I was as good as blind. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, but I. Hurt. I'm glad we live so close to the theater, because I can drive home with my eyes open and brain on auto-pilot, and I did.

I don't medicate headaches if I can help it, but when I do, I have the verybesteverIloveitsomuch medicine, Advil Cold & Sinus, which is actually Bryan's drug of choice for his insane and inexplicable headaches. I have to buy it from the pharmacy because it contains the evil pseudoephedrine, but that evil pseudoephedrine is my illicit lover. I suspect the day will come when I leave Bryan and run away with pseudoephedrine to live on a beach somewhere.

Forty minutes after the movie, my killer headache was numb and I was again functioning. I went to bed, where I dozed and reveled in my lack of murderous headache and fantasized about Avatar. By the time I finally fell asleep, I'd decided I need to watch it again, this time without the headache from Sheol.

I want to be able to give a penguin my full attention.

NOW you know why they call me Zeitel.