Get a grip, Monica, on your own self-control. I suggest you begin with accepting the responsibility of your own poor judgment that led to your “destruction”. And instead of wallowing in self-pity and using your shady past to promote your continued destruction and self-pity -— put it behind you and move on. Try yoga and meditation for starters. Then get a job - a real one - that leaves you with just enough time to feed the cat and do your laundry. TIME TO GROW UP.
Since I’m fairly certain she’s still a bonified lib/dem, she could always move to berserkley and open a uh, head shop.