Diversity training - one of the reasons I left my former, large corporation job.
I was in a class called Learning to Live, Learning to Love, designed specifically for abusive husbands back just before my divorce. No, I was not abusive, but it didn’t matter. I went to “save my marriage” (and it didn’t work).
But I was in the class where men who had been forcibly separated from their wives were talking about their “trial date” with their wife the weekend before. They would say that it was going great but then they “blew it” and had to leave their wife’s house.
Now, these men were like me: They didn’t hit anyone but were accused of being abusive in all the other ways that human beings can be “abusive”: They were too quiet. They were too loud. They yelled and then apologized. And on and on.
So anyway, sometimes I said, in front of the group, as the “lay” leader told them how they could do better next time, “You were not the problem there. Your wife was, and here is how...”
One by one they all opened up to me privately and I gave them private advice. I told them where they were wrong and where their wives were wrong. Thing is, I’d read “Men are from mars...”, I’d read “The dance of anger”. I’d read a lot of stuff from the woman’s perspective and these men were all going to a class specifically designed for men who seriously and physically abused their wives. It applied to not one single member of that group.
And yeah, I was kicked out by the teacher that was a psychiatry wannabee that could not support what he was doing. He even voiced strong concern that I only remembered my mother spanking me once and my parents never argued. He accused me of supressed memories.
I called my mother and she said, with no coaching from me, that she only spanked me once (the time I remembered) and they NEVER fought in front of the kids.
There is alot of pseudo science around these days. It’s not just global warming.
Epilogue. That class was at my church of 18 years that I left shortly after.
I’m a lady - but I feel as if today’s agenda is designed to weaken men, or make them appear weak.
I was spanked as a kid - sometimes I deserved it, sometimes I got a spank that should have gone to a sibling. But I learned that actions have consequences.
My parents argued. But they were also very loving to each other & to us. People aren’t perfect.
At the time I had to go through the diversity classes (we’re talking like: Generational differences, GLBT, and more) - I needed my job. I kept quiet, just to get through it and back to work. But I totally thought it was a waste of time. I’m so glad I was able to find a new job.
Too often men arguing with women is like women arm wrestling men: it's playing to their strong suit. For those exceptions when the man is actually winning the argument, there's the "abuse" tactic.
If it ain't physical, it ain't abuse.