I used to think “harmless” fun was okay, then I met a coworker who took everything to extremes. He thought every trick he pulled was brilliant and fun for all concerned. I concluded he’d been badly abused, confirmed by stories he told like his dad had convinced him his dog was dead and how hard he’d cried. (My dad did the same thing as an April Fool’s joke when I was about six. I never forgave him and I never trusted him again. I cried all day and he beat me because of it so I ended up hiding from him as I couldn’t stop crying.) Consequently, I was much like my coworker until I was convinced by friends that pranks were inappropriate. Seeing the pain my coworker caused his victims convinced me that there is no such thing as appropriate jokes or hazing that rely on hurting or convincing a coworker or “friend” that something is true when it isn’t.
There must be some other bonding experience that teams can practice that doesn’t hurt anybody.
I was beaten regularly at home and beaten up and intimidated regularly at school — and what it taught me is that people who are bigger than you can push you around. If you fight back, you are the villain. That’s about it.
We are all responsible for how we react to our upbringing, but when sane, compassionate behavior is not being role-modeled, it is a long road for a kid to learn that with no mentoring. Eventually I decided to not be a victim and the best way to get revenge on those who did you wrong is to become a better person.
I hope that you are OK.
It’s always seemed to me that there is nothing wrong with pranks and practical jokes, as long as EVERYONE is laughing. If people are really being hurt or upset, it’s over the limit.