Mark Levin Show,M-F,6PM-9PM,EDT,WABC AM,October 6,2014

“Conservatism is the antidote to tyranny precisely because its principles are the founding principles.” --Mark Levin in Liberty and Tyranny

“Excuse me, Sir.”
“Is that you again, Moses?”
“I’m afraid it is, sir.”
“What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?”
“How did you guess?”
“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”
“Tell me what you want, Moses.”
“But you already know. Remember?”
“Moses!”
“Sorry, sir.”
“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!”
“Well, I have a question, sir. You know those “ten things” you sent me?”
“You mean the Commandments, Moses?”
“That’s it. I was wondering if they were important.”

“What do you mean “were important”, Moses? Of course, they’re important. Otherwise I wouldn’t have sent them to you.”

“Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that.”

“What do you mean “you lost them”? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t save them, Moses?”
“No, sir. I forgot.”
“You should always save, Moses.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though.”

“And did you hear back from any of them?”
“You already know I did.”

“What about the one guy who said he never uses “shalt not”? Can he change the words a little bit?”
“Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”

“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the “Ten Suggestions”, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?”

“Moses, I’ll act like I didn’t hear that.”

“I think that means “no”. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?”
“I think that is spamming, Moses.”

“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don’t even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.”

“And what he did say?”
“You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don’t think he might have sent me one of those - er - plagues, and that’s the reason I lost those ten things, do you know...”

“They’re called viruses, Moses.”

“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them.”

“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”
“I was afraid you would say that, sir.”
“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”
“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer.”
“It’s a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”

“No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?”
“No, Moses.”

“One other thing. Why didn’t you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn’t you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”

“I didn’t name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog... if you want to.”

“Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn’t it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?”

“Say good night, Moses.”

“Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the “ten things” have come back.”
“Which ones are they, Moses?”
“Let’s see. “Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image” and “Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbour’s wife.”

“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another set of stone tablets . . . ”

MOSES: SPEAKING TO HIS CHILDREN

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea,
and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat,
but not in the living room.
Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat,
but not in the living room.
Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat,
but not in the living room.
Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats,
and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat,
but not in the living room.
Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat,
but absolutely not in the living room.
Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink,
but not in the living room,
neither may you carry such therein.
Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins,
of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something,
then may you eat in the living room.

And if you are seated in your high chair,
or in a chair such as a greater person might use,
keep your legs and feet below you as they were.
Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table,
for that is an abomination to me.
Yea, even when you have an interesting bandage to show,
your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils,
nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for;
if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.
When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table,
and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face
in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed,
and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within;
I say to you, do not do so,
even if your brother or your sister has done the same unto you.
Eat your food only; and do not eat that which is not food;
neither seize the table between your jaws,
nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips.
I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker,
draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend,
for we do not do that, that is why.
And though the pieces of broccoli are very much like small trees,
do not stand them upright in the mashed potatoes to make a forest,
because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other,
nor slide down until you are nearly slid away.
Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup.
And now behold, even as I have said,
it has now come to pass.

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean,
saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
But of the unclean plate, the laws are these:
If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite
consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas,
eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes
to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.
But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes,
still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas,
yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert,
no, not even a small portion thereof.

And if you try to deceive me by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork,
that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity.
And I will know what you have done, and you shall have no dessert.

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time.
If you are given a plate on which two foods that you do not wish to touch each other
are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling,
while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand;
but I say to you, scream not, only gently discuss this with the server,
that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish
from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off,
and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you,
and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming.
Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death,
make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face,
nor press your fingers to your nose.
For even now I have made the fish as it should be;
and each piece of herbal seasoning has been cast out.
Behold, look at me. I eat of it myself, yet I do not die.

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills,
that I may more easily wash you off; for the stains are upon you.
Even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.
And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe,
rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner that is distasteful to see.
Only hold yourself still. Hold still, I say.
And give unto me each finger in its turn for my examination thereof,
and also each thumb. Lo, how covered with iniquity they appear.

What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until it is done.
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.
Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind;
nor rub your feet on bread, even if it still be in the package;
nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building;
nor shalt thou eat of the sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape?
And hum not that humming in your nose as I read,
nor stand between the light and the book.
Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do,
you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail;
and when I do not accede to you, you cry out, and hit, and kick.
Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout out “stupid-head”
and even other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof
when you are sent to the corner.

And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner
for more minutes than he has years of age,
yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger.
But upon being sent to the corner you ask straight away,
“Can I come out?” and I reply, “No, you may not come out.”
And again you ask, and again I give the same reply.
But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.
And you shall remember that I am that who I am;
and thou shalt pay head unto all of my words;
before, after, and until you are twenty-one and under the roof of this house.

Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

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