How are you now? Do you have a relationship with your mom, or has she already passed on?
I'M fine. I didn't take the brunt of the abuse. The oldest and the youngest of us did. My other brother and myself, in the middle, saw all the hurt and damage, but mostly escaped from being victims.
My older brother is dead, now, dead at 62. He was married and divorced three times (I wonder why he always picked such flawed, mean, abusive women??), flunked out of community college, tried many different careers, never really achieving stability or happiness, had significant health problems, drank hard in his youth and smoked hard till he died, and threw away his faith. A couple of bankruptcies along the way. Not a pleasant or easy life. His kids turned out nearly as badly as he did.
My younger sister had a failed marriage, she was separated the last five or so years of her husband's life. She flunked out of college, has led a wretched life, her husband was physically, verbally, and psychologically abusive (I wonder where she learned to tolerate that??). Throw in a bankruptcy or two, foreclosure & homelessness, episodic severe mental illness, and two sons who are even worse off than she is.
Both my parents are dead. My own relationship with my mother was strained, in that her abusive “discipline” emanated from a personality that just wasn't very nice. To go along with the beatings, she also had an acid tongue. I remember one time, after I was married, going over to my parents to help them move furniture around.
The conversation meandered until she said, “Face it, sitetest, you're just a parasite.” I said, “Mom, the least you could do would be to wait until I'd moved the furniture before you insulted me.”
But I stayed and moved the furniture. Maybe I was “enabling” her by not telling her off and leaving, LOL.
She had her good points, I guess. She did love her family in spite of it all, and she was very devout and helped pass on her faith to me, for which I will be forever grateful. I pray for her and my father every day.
But my older brother and my sister had an extremely poor relationship with my mother until she died. For years, my older brother wouldn't even talk to her, and would tell my father to divorce her. He was extremely bitter for the treatment he received at her hands.
I really don't believe in beating kids. It doesn't seem to produce happy, good, or decent people. The few times I was beaten only made me fearful and closed-in, and alienated from my parents. I never, ever discussed any of my problems with my parents. They were untrustworthy, especially my mother.
Conversely, when my sons were young, sometimes when they did something wrong, they'd come confess it to me or their mother, and even recommend a punishment, which was usually more punitive than anything we'd actually impose. Both my son are conscientious men of God, striving to do His will.
I've told you about my sons in different contexts, here. If we did spare the rod, apparently, we did not spoil the child. I could not ask for better sons.
You can have a close, effective relationship with your kids if you don't beat them bloody.
sitetest