[Talisker]

He meant love your neighbor as yourself. That is, do not put yourself above another. And I say do not put yourself below another for none of us is more worthy. We have all fallen short of the glory of God. Once you have received the precious gift of salvation share it with each one you meet.

No, he meant to love yourself.

You can't love your neighbor AS yourself, if you don't also love YOUR self.

That means this self-abasement that reflects your understanding of what God wants, directly violates Jesus's command to love yourself.

You cannot love yourself AND also be ashamed for existing.

[Louis Foxwell]

Or he was scolding those whose narcissism did not allow themselves to consider the needs of others. I fail to comprehend the ways in which Christ loved himself. Jesus never preached self love except as the foundation of sin. Self love yields all sorts of abuse. Love God above all and His love will flow into you in sufficiency.
You seem to want to believe you are capable of goodness. That is only true so long as God has no place in your life. Surrender the notion that you are capable of self improvement and allow God to use you in what ever way He chooses. By no means should you center your hope on self love.