Noah Smith is woefully uninformed. The Kohler (Wisconsin) Numi Toilet is much more advanced that the Japanese toilet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8jCP_-oBgQ
The less fancy Kohler jap style toilets for the peasants. ; )
http://www.us.kohler.com/us/C3-Toilet-Seat-with-Bidet-Functionality/content/CNT2400393.htm
It’s bad enough having use Lysol wipes to get the seat and handle of our present crappers clean, which are a great improvment over the old days of having to use a cleaning rag and then wash it, or create the waste of spray cleaner and paper towels. But with hi-tech, also having to worry about germs on the panel and in the crevices of the pushbuttons on a toilet remote? No, thank you.