One of the big shifts I think in the “Mommy Wars” is the rise of online home businesses, freelancing, contract work and part time employment in general.
The ideal family model is now mom working part time. For lower class women, part time work generates income while still letting her keep EITC and other “welfare benefits”. For middle and upper-class women, part time work gives you the ability to contribute financially to the household without the stress of a full time job and often lower childcare costs.
Another shift is the acceptability of on-ramp and off-ramp careers. Have a kid, take a year or two off, come back to work. You’re at home when they are littlest, but you don’t drop out of the workforce for 20 years.
If each family, individually, considers its options realistically, there are a lot of different arrangements that can work. You (a general “you”) shouldn’t let other people tell you what is best for you.