The morphine in that case would now be contra-indicated. My dad went through the same thing. The reason for the morphine was to make the heart attacks easier to endure. When your kidneys start to fail, it causes heart attacks. Morphine cannot be properly metabolized in the kidneys-so it becomes less effective. Another type of pain killer would have made it easier. But, I learned that last week when my uncle was in his last hours.
Having been there when my Dad went through it, I can sympathize with your experience—and it is horrible.
But it shows the necessity to talk about this stuff when we are healthy and understand what we are doing. In the heat of the moment, there is so much going on that we become inundated with opinions and options. You simply cannot make make good decisions. Or at least you cannot be sure they are good decisions.
End of life conversations in forums like this are difficult because everyone is emotionally invested in their stories. And there are a lot of people to whom the medical world is a mystery. And there are a lot of people who actually think the nurses and doctors give a hoot what their accountants say.
It is also difficult because our bodies can be going along just fine—and them you have a stroke, heart attack or aggressive cancer. And you get so swept up in the processes you are just dazed.
Tell everyone you know your story. Then tell them to talk to their families about what they want when the time comes.
If you (not YOU, but the generic public) are not willing to face your mortality, someone else is going to make that call for you.
And, as far as hospice goes— go through a Catholic hospice and you will be sure that their palliative care is in alignment with the Catholic church’s guidance.
That was not my experience. Not at all.