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One of the guys in the classroom at the Texas state pen I worked in as a sub teacher was a young man with acne. He was a real bad troublemaker and I was to learn later what the wrist band on his arm met - he was a lifer. I am not to ask what their crimes are only if they volunteer to tell me. My guess is that he killed.

One day I explained to the class that I was no different than any of them and that I too have broke the law, but more importantly I had in me the same poisons, junk, perversions, anger, hatred, greed that any of them had. In fact I knew how to shoot, carried a side arm and could probably shoot better than most of them, and could kill too. After getting raised eyebrows and a few chuckles from the guys about my sins and insights, they went back to their school work and this troublemaker kid came up to me and asked me more about shooting as he liked guns.

The next day he was in the classroom very angry and was taking it out on the men, knocking things over, throwing stuff, etc. Rather than call the guards, I called him over to the desk and pulled out a chair and said lets talk. I didn't care about the class anymore but just him....I could tell he was in a crisis. He told me when he came to prison several years ago they put him in solitary confinement for months. In fact when the guards gave him food, he would wait and throw it back in there face.

He was a walking time bomb.

We must have talked close to half an hour and during that time I kept loving him. What else could I do? What do you tell a 19 year old who will be spending the rest of his life in prison. What do you say to this man.......you shouldn't have done it, serves you right, that it would get better, everything would be fine, have a great life?

Finally he asked me about his acne on his face. I explained to him it was actually a good thing as it met he was making a lot of the hormone testosterone and that met he was healthy. It would eventually clear up. He was so concerned that girls would not like his acne. I explained that when a girl loved him she would not see his acne but instead his heart.

You know, for just that brief time as he and I talked, the prison room was suspended and the two of us were not there anymore, we were somewhere else talking and sharing and liking each other with no thoughts of our surroundings or the fact that he was facing a life sentence with no girl ever to be in his life. We were so free in those minutes.....I will never forget it.

He thanked me and went back and settled down. I waited to catch him the next day as he went to another class and I asked him how he was doing and he said fine. He seemed less tense.

I just know that these men who are put in solitary confinement have so much repressed rage. I could see it in this young man, you could cut it with a knife it was so thick. I know it takes skills and knowledge to deal with this rage and how to release it both in these men and/or professionals who help. A good way is called a release technique. I was releasing in me and consequently he released.

Solitary confinement certainly gets their attention but it is not rehabilitative....AND...the REABILITATIVE PROCESS STARTS WITH ME, not the criminal.

There is a building next to the building used as a classroom. The guard told me it is for the worst of the worst criminals. They are let out of their isolation cells for one hour a day and when they take a shower, they are handcuffed. It's pretty bad in there. I look at that bleak building across the yard and ask God to help. Those men and the people they hurt badly, affect all of us. We are all like a comb (an example I read one time) depending on the angle you view the comb- from the tooth perspective we are each individuals, independent, isolated, row after row, but when you turn the comb around we all come from the same source.

Jane