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A Last Bastion of Civility, the South, Sees Manners Decline
The New York Times ^ | 11/1/11 | Kim Severson

Posted on 11/03/2011 1:43:37 PM PDT by marshmallow

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To: rlmorel

Oh you are so right about talking to strange children in public. I still do it sometimes (I’m female). I was a teacher and I just can’t help it. But children are clearly now taught that strangers are all evil and want to kill them or worse. (or they are hellions I don’t care to talk to anyway except to say, “Where are your parents, go tell them to put you on a leash!”). I do often go up to parents at restaurants, when their children have been particularly well behaved, and tell them how delightful their kids were. I think people need to hear it.


101 posted on 11/04/2011 8:42:12 AM PDT by brytlea (An ounce of chocolate is worth a pound of cure)
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To: GatorGirl

LOL yes, you’re right. When we go up to about Vero Beach it’s so much nicer. But we don’t out of here often enough. The worst thing is, living around this makes you start to become more like them. I don’t notice it (by comparison I’m still a sweetie pie, I swear it!) but when I go back I’m floored by the niceness, so I know I’ve become less nice. I even honk at people when I drive now. :(


102 posted on 11/04/2011 8:46:11 AM PDT by brytlea (An ounce of chocolate is worth a pound of cure)
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To: GatorGirl

I live in northwest Florida, “NICEVILLE,” and I have seen more rude drivers here than anywhere else I drive. I generally have to work in Utah a couple of times/year and never see as many rude drivers as here in Niceville.


103 posted on 11/04/2011 8:53:42 AM PDT by saminfl
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To: GatorGirl

I live in northwest Florida, “NICEVILLE,” and I have seen more rude drivers here than anywhere else I drive. I generally have to work in Utah a couple of times/year and never see as many rude drivers as here in Niceville.


104 posted on 11/04/2011 8:56:29 AM PDT by saminfl
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To: brytlea

I am an Oklahoma boy. Once I was in LA for business. I was in a crowded elevator and saw a woman running to catch it before the door closed. I hit the “open door” button. Everyone on the elevator groaned. It occurred to me that LA would be a sucky place to live.


105 posted on 11/04/2011 8:57:00 AM PDT by lawdave
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To: lawdave

Lots of sucky places to live. I liked OK the few times I’ve been there. Well, at least the people were nice. :)


106 posted on 11/04/2011 9:04:44 AM PDT by brytlea (An ounce of chocolate is worth a pound of cure)
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To: marshmallow
Manners Decline

"A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy. While the people are virtuous they cannot be subdued; but when once they lose their virtue then will be ready to surrender their liberties to the first external or internal invader."

-- Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, February 12, 1779


107 posted on 11/04/2011 9:06:49 AM PDT by EternalVigilance ('If man is not governed by God, he will be ruled by tyrants.' -- William Penn)
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To: buccaneer81

I was raised differently, apparently. I would have given up my seat to the women. I certainly would not have acted as brutish and uncivil as these two gents (term used extremely loosely).


108 posted on 11/04/2011 1:48:03 PM PDT by SoldierDad (Proud dad of an Army Soldier currently deployed in the Valley of Death, Afghanistan)
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To: SoldierDad
What makes young, able-bodied females special under these circumstances? These men had already been seated and were looking at the menu.

When you start giving up your place in line at the store or the BMV, let me know.

109 posted on 11/04/2011 2:06:55 PM PDT by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: buccaneer81
When you start giving up your place in line at the store or the BMV, let me know.

I've given up my place in line at grocery stores lots of times - to women with fewer items, or to someone who is disabled (especially a vet), or to an elderly customer. I hold open doors for people (male/female - it really doesn't matter to me). I've given up my seat on public transportation. I have not yet given up a place in line at DMV (rather than BMV, whatever that is). But, if I saw someone who I believed needed the spot before me, I wouldn't hesitate. I've let people go ahead of me in various places, without any hesitation whatsoever. I'm not sure what makes others feel they are so special that they are above being decent human-beings to others. This was how I was raised, and I'm not about to stop because someone says doing so is wrong. It's not about the person who I give up my place in line for. It's about being a decent caring person, period.

110 posted on 11/04/2011 2:15:27 PM PDT by SoldierDad (Proud dad of an Army Soldier currently deployed in the Valley of Death, Afghanistan)
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To: SoldierDad
I've given up my place in line at grocery stores lots of times - to women with fewer items, or to someone who is disabled (especially a vet), or to an elderly customer. I hold open doors for people (male/female - it really doesn't matter to me). I've given up my seat on public transportation.

I have done all those things as well. What I'm saying is that as a 48 year old man, a seated paying customer, I'm not giving up my seat to a healthy 35 year old woman in a restaurant.

Oh, BMV = Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Sorry.

111 posted on 11/04/2011 4:05:32 PM PDT by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: buccaneer81

Here it’s the DMV (Department). As I posted, you and I apparently see things differently. I would have no problem with giving up my seat to a woman, and I’m 52.


112 posted on 11/07/2011 8:26:47 AM PST by SoldierDad (Proud dad of an Army Soldier currently deployed in the Valley of Death, Afghanistan)
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To: SoldierDad
I would have no problem with giving up my seat to a woman, and I’m 52.

Some women are like some minorities today...they want special rights. A healthy adult woman is no better than me in a customer service establishment. We're not talking about lifeboats on the Titanic.

113 posted on 11/07/2011 9:35:22 AM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: buccaneer81

To each their own. I was raised differently, and see no reason to change.


114 posted on 11/07/2011 9:38:20 AM PST by SoldierDad (Proud dad of an Army Soldier currently deployed in the Valley of Death, Afghanistan)
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To: SoldierDad

You must have an awful lot of time on your hands. You might starve if you keep giving up your seat in a restaurant.


115 posted on 11/07/2011 9:41:27 AM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: rlmorel; Mrs. Don-o
One thing I have found is that there are women HATE being addressed as “Ma’am”

I do not like being addressed as "Honey" or "Sweetie" by the check out at Kroger. (Just one does it and I avoid her line when I see her). But, I do not mind it at all at the Waffle House. What is up with that?

116 posted on 11/07/2011 9:48:14 AM PST by don-o (He will not share His glory and He will NOT be mocked! Blessed be the name of the Lord forever.)
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To: buccaneer81

Re-read the story. They were sitting at the bar, not at a table in the main part of the restaurant. If they were seated at a table I would see this differently. But, that’s me. When I take a seat at the bar, order a drink, and peruse the menu, it’s on a temporary basis while awaiting my table. The article doesn’t get that deep into detail, but one could assume these two “gentlemen” were doing that very same thing. Standing while awaiting a table is not a problem. I’ve done that many times. No, I would NOT give up my table after being seated - that is, unless it was for a wounded veteran.


117 posted on 11/07/2011 10:03:22 AM PST by SoldierDad (Proud dad of an Army Soldier currently deployed in the Valley of Death, Afghanistan)
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To: SoldierDad
A paying customer is a paying customer, disabilities aside. I expect you stand aside for women in other situations as well?

I was raised to be polite, not to be a doormat.

118 posted on 11/07/2011 10:07:22 AM PST by buccaneer81 (ECOMCON)
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To: don-o

I think it is all context.

Good gosh. I would never, ever address someone as “Honey” or “Sweetie” unless it was my spouse or someone very close to me.

I work in the medical field, and have seen professionals address patients in this manner, and it makes my blood boil. It is unprofessional. (Note: I don’t see it as much these days if ever, since that kind of thing is now officially frowned upon, and that is good in my opinion)

I will say that if a little old lady at the cash register refers to me as “Honey” or “Sweetie”, I can live with that. I give leeway to elderly people, they have lived long enough, and I will defer to them in a good-natured way. But I would never, EVER refer to an adult that way, or even a child.


119 posted on 11/07/2011 10:08:12 AM PST by rlmorel (The Rats won't be satisfied until every industry in the USA is in ruins and ripe for nationalization)
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To: don-o; rlmorel
I would rather err on the courteous side, when I think of it. I ride on a bus every day. I always called the bus driver Ma'am. I heard another rider call her "Eileen," so I switched to that. (I know first names are considered casual, but I also think they make a person feel more individually noticed.) Then another passenger called her Miss Eileen, and I took up with that. A real Suthrun-ism, it seems to combine the formal and the casual.

You never know how people are going to react, though. I was once in a store and when the clerk was handing back my change, he mumbled somethng and I said "Excuse me?" (Which is what some of us say when we can't hear: in my case, frequently.) The clerk flinched and said with a hint of defiance, "I've got to open another pack of quarters, EXCU-U-U-USE MEEEE-E!!" :o/

120 posted on 11/07/2011 12:30:39 PM PST by Mrs. Don-o (Kudzu. Gesundheit.)
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