If they are sincere and not a troll, then we must perform the rarely seen and never spoken of...
Hazing Ritual!
The Dread Ritual of Haze involves standing in the sun without sunscreen, on one foot, hopping, while touching your fingers to your nose with your eyes closed, reciting the alphabet backwards with a clothespin on your tongue, after drinking... my coffee.
Wombats are involved in there somewhere too.
You forgot the most important part of the hazing ritual. The applicant must chant “Aqua Buddha...Aqua Buddha...Aqua Buddha...” while simultaneously rubbing his tummy and patting the top of his head.
Unfortunately, the Wombats are on vacation. How about a pair of slightly annoyed Aardvarks?