I have bipolar disorder.
Might as well out myself. I am on a medication called Seroquel, which works,
My bipolar mania never was violent, just very productive. My bipolar depression (which was misdiagnosed at first) docs put me on anti-mania meds...caused me to throw into a depression and I took ALL of the anti-depressant meds plus a giant bottle of Tylenol PM. I did this in 2005.
I miraculously survived the overdose (I wasn’t a weenie...I took it and woke up two days later)...and THEN called an ambulance....
What I mean to say is...I was serious. I didn’t want attention...when I took those drugs...I thought they would kill me.
They didn’t.
And at the time I took them I had been misdiagnosed.
Now that I am properly diagnosed...NOT THAT I LIKE IT...but I’m properly diagnosed...
I take the medication prescribed and I live day to day....
I write. In another place.
I understand people who live with brains that aren’t predictable. They are my people.
I have an old friend, who is the only person I know well with true manic-depressive, bipolar disorder. She’s aware of it, and is taking several medications, I believe Wellbutrin and Abilify, but not certain.
She’s got her masters from a very well regarded university here in NC, and is a school administrator for one of the larger counties in the state. She credits her medication for enabling her to hold down a job, something she couldn’t manage otherwise, because the “down” stage was so completely debilitating.
But, she finally admitted to me that she misses the “high,” the manic stage ... says she feels so good, so energetic, so alive. She occasionally goes off her meds intentionally. I’d suspected this for a while. She just sort of disappears for several days, hits the bars and clubs, drinks, dances and has a fling, which was how I met her so many years ago. But, she’s married with beautiful kids now, I told her she needs to give it up and stay on her medication, that she was risking all that.
It doesn’t seem to have made an impression, though.
Bless you for taking good care of yourself. Your illness is a devious one that can kill the soul rather than, like cancer, just the body.
But it’s treatable, as you have discovered. Tragedy occurs when a victim of this disease refuses proper medical care and disrupts or destroys not only their own life but those who care for them.
Best wishes as you learn to deal with your issues. We all have them in one form or another. Remember that. None of us are whole; some of us just hide our imperfections well.
Incidentally, do you have any bipolar relatives? Bipolar illness seems to have a strong hereditary component.
I too have bipolar disorder and it can make life very painful.My family does not understand it.if I fly into a rage they thing it’s because i don’t know how to control my anger.It’s all due to a chemical imbalance but I can’t seem to get that into their heads.Take care of yourself,and G-D Bless.