It was a little different for me. My mother was 88 and the pig valve she had been given 10 years earlier was failing. The surgery, neck to belly, ribs spread apart, was too severe for them to do it again. She begged me not to let her die in a hospital. I took her home and cared for her for 4 months. Then something must have given way because her pulse went up to 120 and stayed there. The visiting nurse said she could die that day or in three weeks. After the second week she slipped into a light coma, and two days later died quietly in bed.
With my husband near the end he was having trouble swallowing. I could no longer give his his vitamins and supplements, which I think had kept him mobile and active until just the last few months. One morning he was fuzzy and not interested in eating. He had wilted onto the floor three days before and we had put him back to bed. I called his out of state son to come asap. He arrived 2 days later. When my husband was not interested in food or very alert, we spoke with the doctors who had seen him 3 months earlier and had examined his advanced directives. They said feed him if he wants, don’t if he doesn’t, etc. He slipped into a coma and passed peacefully a few days later. Every situation is different, but more people could care for loved ones in the end if they had some help in knowing how to do it, and how to deal with their own feelings.
You have alot of determination and strength.
I am the youngest of four and the only girl. I wasn’t ready for what I was dealt...but as you know...we have no choice.
My father died at 62 and my mom at 72. I am 39.
My grandma (with whom I am close and I’m often with her)...my Dad’s mom...she’s 102 and she’s the matriarch of an entire community here.
She’s lost 7 of her siblings (she was the oldest) and has one sister remaining...She lost the two youngest of her sons.
She had three sons.
But still, you can have gone through what you’ve gone through.....and yet.
I value life. I wouldn’t be good with just pulling the plug...
It will ALWAYS be a decision between family and doctor...and even family overruling doctor in some cases.
I know, at 39...soon to be 40....that life REALLY has been too rough so far and will get harder.
I pray for the strength to deal with it.
It’s not as cut and dried as just letting them go.