So every day another embarrassing revelation exposes climate change experts as confused bumble-heads. The latest? Apparently the UN panel on climate change based recent conclusions regarding vanishing ice from mountain tops on anecdotes found in a "mountaineering" magazine.
Now, this would be hilarious, if it wasn't for the fact that quadrillions of dollars are at stake. (And just so you know: quadrillions can buy a lot of unicorn porn.) I'm not going to use this latest revelation to hammer these "experts," even though they'd do that to a "skeptic" like me, if they had the chance. I just want to nail two key points:
*this news shows exactly why climate change researchers must release data and reveal methods. If they have nothing to hide, then their work's credibility will only increase. The fact that they're trying to avoid that makes me think they're basing their data on articles from Cosmo. FYI: global warming can and does make it harder to find your g-spot, says Darla, age 23, data analyst.
*There are few real experts on climate change - only pawns used to justify policies that will inevitably sodomize our economy. By the way, I include myself as a non-expert. I was an English major, who spent the last twenty years drunk, shirtless and weeping. But this is a good thing: whether you think humans cause global warming or not, we're all in this boat of ignorance together, and therefore should be more tolerant of opposing views.
If so-called experts are culling mountain ice data from Penthouse Letters (apparently melting glaciers totally cause chicks to remove their tops faster, says Vic, 25, a pizza deliveryman), then we are all so-called experts.
That should make you happy.
And if it doesn't, then you're probably a planet-hating racist homophobe who eats polar bears for breakfast.