Today marks a significant anniversary in my life, one that I certainly did not know was coming, did not wish for, and yet one that came in its time and has very significant impact on my life and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Two years ago today I got the diagnosis that I had a malignant sacral chordoma in my back. It was what had caused so much pain, searching, discomfort, and disruption to my life for a couple of years before, gradually increasing in intensity and impact through that time.
That diagnosis started Gail and I on a path in life we had never trod before. The tumor was literally filling up most of my sacrum (these tumors are slow growing and it had been in there for at least 20-25 years according to my Nuerosurgeon, Dr. RHines) and on the verge of spreading beyond. Chordomas, once they get into soft tissue are much more agressive. They do not respond to normal radiation or chemo therapy. We were referred to and accepted at MD Anderson Cancer center in HOuston and immediately (within a few days after Christmas) drove to Houston for our intial meetings. we thank God that the surgeons and neurosurgeons here rightly recognized the need to have this taken care of elsewhere. There are only 3-4 places in the country equiped to address this disease, particularly at the advanced stage I had.
My options were simple, either undergo massive and radical surgery to remove the entire tumor and significant margins around the tumor, or go into pallitive care and let the cancer take its course. The surgery would be massive, itself life threatening, and would leave me signficantly disabled for the rest of my life. Walking would be in question, normal bowel and bladder fundtion would be severely imparied, nerve damage and feeling in my lower trunk and down my legs would be significanlty impacted. Pallitive care would make me as comfortable as possible, but once the cancer destroyed those same nerve roots that the surgery would take, I would face the same prognosis.
After a lot of prayer and consideration, and a lot of counsel from family, freinds, medical professionals and through our church, we made the decision that was evident to me from the get go...we chose to strive for life...whatever life the good Lord deemed for us.
And so it went. It was very difficuly. We had wonderful family, friends, neighbors, mebers of our congregation, acquantences all over the country, and people who heard of our plight pour out their love and faith on our behalf. That strength, coupled with our own faith and love of our Savior and Father in Heaven allowed us to face the struggle with faith in God, knowing His will would be best.
It has been hard and continues to be so. The cancer had spread and I have three small spots in my illium (hip bones) that will soon be addressed by a special proton radiation technigque that is highly concentrated and very exacting. These small tumors, like the other, are slow growing, but need to be addressed and it looks like in March of 2012 we will do so.
I write this now, two years later, after all that built up to the surgeries. The continuing pain, the reaction to some of the medications that sickened me terribly, the hospitilization shortly before leaving for the surgical dates in Houston that almost put everything off. The three major surgeries in about three weeks time that involved 36 hours of surgery and transfusions equal to over four times my entire blood supply. The three months of hospitilization and slowly coming out of the 3 weeks of intinsive care. Being taught to sit up, being taught to take care of my bodlly functions and the type of diet I would have to be on from now on. Being taught to stand and walk again...first with a walker, then with a cane. The three months of intensive rehabilitation and improvements in my ability to stand and walk...and now the extended time back home and plateauing where I walk without a cain and drive where I need to go.
I will never hike the mountains again, my walking is not altogether rock solid or steady, but I can do it and I can work and provide for my family when all of that was in question.
Prayers have been answered, faith has been confirmed. Not that I have been miraculously and completely healed...but I have been miraculously treated and enabled, for God's purposes to continue my life, to be with my family, to see my children continue to grow with their own families and careers. To witness tow morew granchildren be born and have them now toddling around when visiting us playing with and sitting with their "papa". Taking oledr grandkids (we now have eight altogether) to movies and for drives, having them help me go to the "dump."
Spdneing more time with my dear, wonderful, and angelic wife and best friend and sweethjeart.
God's hand is in each of our individual lifes. In the good times and in the difficult times. His Spirit and Hand are there, if we will humble ourselves and reach out to buoy us up and guide our feet. He has apurpose for us, and that purpose, no matter how difficult is absolutely what is best for us because we touch others and help others as we get through the experiences as best we can and with His help, irrespective of the outcome. I know that a big part of my survival is to witness these things to others. To give hope...and to take hope as I see others, more severely impacted than me, struggle on valiently and themselves help others, including myself, in their trvails. I can do no less.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all who have exercised their faith in God on our behalf, who have helped us, encouraged us, prayed for us, and been there to whatever extent possible. I thank God for you each every day and witness His Hand in all of this for His purposes and for the betterment and enrichment of all involved.
Please read my entire journal...HERE on my site...or the PRAYER THREAD established for me at a conservative forum of which I am a member.
May God return the blessing to you each, ten fold for the tender mercies and help and encouragement and faith you have given.
Sincerely and in Christ,