March 5, 2013
Olypen PifWire
Today the US Navy and US Air Force began Standing Down. All weapons systems remaining after the Defense Department fire sale will be transferred to UN control and command. The US Army and Marine Corps will be transferred to a new Continental United States Internal Security Command to handle any potential domestic unrest. In addition, all soldiers who refuse to serve will be courts-martialed.
March 10, 2013
Olypen PifWire
After the transfer to the UN, most personnel among the enlisted and officer corps of the respective services resigned. While the final count is not in, it appears that a total of 80,000 personnel remained loyal to the Obama Administration and will be going on active duty with the UN and Continental United States Internal Security Command. These personnel will form the corp of their respective commands. Recruiting will begin immediately in the blighted inner cities and on college campuses.
April 1, 2013
Olypen PifWire
Today the DOD announced the final tallies from the fire sale. As expected China was the highest bidder, buying all F-22 aircraft, all carriers, all Aegis Class destroyers, and the entire nuclear submarine fleet, and all associated support systems.
Other major components were purchased by Saudi Arabia and Iran, which nations - according to an unnamed source within the DOD - were deadlocked for days in a bidding war over various nuclear missile delivery systems and associated warheads. Apparently a compromise was reached, as both nations were happy with their acquisitions, the spokesman said.
DOD also announced that all unmanned air surveillance craft and weapons were transfered to the Continental United States Internal Security Command lead by Major General Keith W. Dayton.
In related news of the sale, spokesman for the Obama Administration announced that the proceeds will be placed in a special fund available for Congressional use as they see fit. The spokesman added he was still thrilled by the landslide Democrat results in the 2010 elections - giving special credits to ACORN and its many allied groups for putting out such tremendous efforts in getting out the vote. The various court challenges by the minority Republican party have largely been defeated he said.
June 7, 2013
Olypen PifWire
The Obama Administration annnouced late last night that the reports which have surfaced on discreited news sources about 3 AM raids on citizens believed to possess firearms are just rumors and should be given the due they so greatly deserve.
June 7, 2013
Olypen PifWire
Help Wanted
Construction workers of all types needed, must be able to pass FBI and CUSIC Federal security review, pay commensurate with performance, warm climate, be willing to relocate to southwestern US.
June 8, 2013
Olypen PifWire
The editors apollogize for the following error now corrected - CUSIC was supposed to read CUSISC:
Construction workers of all types needed, must be able to pass FBI and CUSISC Federal security review, pay commensurate with performance, warm climate, be willing to relocate to southwestern US.
Thank you PIF. You did such a better, more accurate and realistic job than I.
I wouldn’t bet against these scenarios.
There’s a whole lot of people out there keeping their powder dry.
And there are a lot that are just itching for....