Send Me Everything You Can Find About Glenn Beck (Olberman attacks!)

DailyKooks | Sun Sep 06, 2009 | Keith Olberman

[Tzimisce]

I don't know why I've got this phrasing in my head, but: Find everything you can about Glenn Beck, Stu Burguiere, and Roger Ailes.

No, even now, I refuse to go all caps.

No, sending me links to the last two Countdowns with my own de-constructions of his biblical vision quality Communist/Fascist/Socialist/Zimbalist art at Rockefeller Center (where, curiously, he works, Comrade) doesn't count. Nor does sending me links to specious inappropriate point-underscoring prove-you're-innocent made-up rumors.

Tuesday we will expand this to the television audience and have a dedicated email address to accept leads, tips, contacts, on Beck, his radio producer Burguiere, and the chief of his tv enablers, Ailes (even though Ailes' power was desperately undercut when he failed to pull off his phony "truce" push).

This becomes necessary after this in order to prove various cliches about goose and gander, and to remind everybody to walk softly and carry a big popsicle, and most particularly to save this nation from the Oligarhy of The Stupid.

I keep wondering if somewhere somebody named Ollie Garhey thinks he's in charge now. Or, even more entertainingly and societally satisfying, if somebody named Ali Garhi does.

Despite the worn-out snark above, I am in earnest here.

[counterpunch]

Honestly, I can’t understand why NBC keeps 0lbermann around.
The guy is an embarrassment to their storied network.
Every night he enviously yaps and nips at the heels of Fox News, which only turns a glaring spotlight on the fact that MSNBC gets pwnd daily by their competitors.

Sour grapes and sniping isn’t going to return the once great NBC network to its past glory.

[divine_moment_of_facts]

That’s because they are just as radical as Jones.. They protect their own.

[Question Liberal Authority]

Glenn Beck once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

[Rocko]

“I don't know why I've got this phrasing in my head,” said Keith.

Because you're a jealous nutwad? First it's Bill O'Reilly, now Glenn Beck?

[A.A. Cunningham]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1611173/posts?page=48#48

[clintonh8r]

Thank you for volunteering for site-nanny duty...in all caps, yet.

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

LMAOROFL!!! And the DUmmies STILL have the vid at the top of ‘Frank-IN’ drawing a damned map! LOL!

[Question Liberal Authority]

When Glenn Beck calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Glenn Beck once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Glenn Beck likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Glenn Beck has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Glenn Beck was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Glenn Beck can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Glenn Beck-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Glenn Beck falls in water, Glenn Beck doesn't get wet. Water gets Glenn Beck.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1GBRhK (Glenn Beck Roundhouse Kick)

Glenn Beck’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Glenn Beck? ...All of it.

Glenn Beck doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Glenn Beck, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Glenn Beck CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Glenn Beck roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Glenn Beck can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Glenn Beck has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Glenn Beck is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Glenn Beck roundhouse kick.

Glenn Beck invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of "Glenn Beck" was aired in France, the French surrendered to Glenn Beck just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Glenn Beck is easily capable of welding titanium.

Glenn Beck once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Glenn Beck talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Glenn Beck kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Glenn Beck to go around.

Glenn Beck doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Glenn Beck is Glenn Beck.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Glenn Beck, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Glenn Beck always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Glenn Beck" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Glenn Beck invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Glenn Beck, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Glenn Beck has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green

4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Glenn Beck randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Glenn Beck throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Glenn Beck Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Glenn Beck has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Glenn Beck grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Glenn Beck"

Glenn Beck ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Glenn Beck and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Glenn Beck getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Glenn Beck can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Little known medical fact: Glenn Beck invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Glenn Beck doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Glenn Beck. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Glenn Beck 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Glenn Beck will find you and kill you.

Glenn Beck has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Glenn Beck Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Glenn Beck lives in Oklahoma.

Glenn Beck doesn't believe in Germany.

When Glenn Beck is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Glenn Beck once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Glenn Beck to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Glenn Beck can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Glenn Beck came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Glenn Beck played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Glenn Beck smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

[BufordP]

Psst...I heard Glenn Beck is an alcoholic AND A MORMON!

[denydenydeny]

News flash: GLENN BECK DIDN’T FIRE VAN JONES!

Glenn Beck is not a government official.

Van Jones was fired by the Obama administration.

He was fired because almost everything out of Van Jones’s mouth was an instant Republican attack ad for next year’s elections.

The pressure on the administration came not from Glenn Beck, but from Democrats in Congress, who have to run next year.

But it’s easier to scream rage at Glenn Beck than to publicly admit the administration made an immense error in appointing this clown.

[Bryher1]

I wonder how many people will send him the fake Glenn Beck rape accusation from 1990 — turns out it was a doctored doc based on the duke rape case.... I’ve already had some libs through it out as gospel...

[al baby]

The biggest penis would be Rachal Maddow

[Technical Editor]

How, er, did that come to light?

[al baby]

Oh Bite me

[BAW]

Send him everything? Maybe we should treat this as another flag@whitehouse.gov and start sending MSNBC stuff from our Democratic representatives, from the Prez, from the liberal newspapers . . you know, just the normal “I love Barry” stuff. Fill up their inboxes and make them take time to read it all.

[Technical Editor]

He wasn’t fired; he resigned.

[BAW]

Nah, have already changed my mind. Sneding him junk mail might make him think he has viewers. Better to remain silent.

[freespirited]

I think we should send him the daily ratings that show Beck kicks his @ss even though he has a prime time slot and Beck doesnt.

That’s about Beck, isnt it?

[politicalmerc]

You know, slimy liberal pukes probably shouldn’t get into a war of morals with conservatives. Why don’t we put out a call for any leads on Olberman’s failings???

[South40]

Send Me Everything You Can Find About Glenn Beck

Here's one thing...