God had control over everything, whether He does it directly or allows it to happen. Nothing escapes His control or His knowledge or His attention. If someone else’s negligence or even purposeful murder happens, it’s always because God knows and allows it... There are no exceptions...
Death is not the big problem here, because “death” is a judgment of God, already handed out. It’s like the Bible tells us that it’s the *second death* that people need to be concerned about (not the first death) — because the second death is the lake of fire, eternal torment and separation from God...
I do not know who told you this. God allows stuff to happen, except when it perverts HIS plan. He, however, gave us brains also called gray matter to use and some of us forget that is a God given responsibility.
I would like to have a ring side seat when you get opportunity to tell your views to this 93 year old veteran.