You would do much better by reading the Bible and taking the advice of James...
James 1:5-8
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways
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You’re beyond my help... but perhaps God can help you, if you are not that “double-minded man”...
Thank you sincerely for your concern