Sorry, but it's hard to get past that part for laughing too hard.
Any real Russian political analyst would end up dead.
But even funnier, here is a Russian whose country has already broken up, whose populace consumes more booze per capita than any other because they are so miserable, who probably had his share when he wrote the article, whose country is on the brink of financial ruin, run by a criminal and this guy is writing about how bad things are in the USA.
He should work on his own problems.
Except that he would end up missing if he tried.