This is no jokin' matter, petitfour. The only way this can be made right is fer Bristol to be strapped to a crab pot and scourged with a cat-o-nine tails by her derelict mother. Then Cap'n Queeg can tie Sarah in the classic Hanoi Hilton manner and put her in the pot and dunk 'er in the Berin' Sea whilst crabbers toss chunks 'o herrin' bait at 'er.
Arrrrr, it's the only way, matey!