Your mouth must have been exhausted!
Mouth? Shoulda been nose...
LISTER is lying on his bunk, eating crisps and making a mess. He’s
sniffing noisily at a book marked CAT DICTIONARY.
RIMMER enters.
RIMMER: What are you doing?!
LISTER: I’m reading.
RIMMER: What? With your nose?
LISTER: Yeah. It’s a Cat book. They don’t use marks, they use smells. You run your nose along the line and all the different smells are released. It’s really good.
RIMMER: What a pathetic idea.
LISTER: Well, unlike you, Rimmer, my mind is open to new cultures, and new ways of looking at and doing things.
RIMMER: And what does it say?
LISTER: It says, (reads as he smells along the pages) “See [sniff] Dick [sniff] run. [sniff] Run, [sniff] Dick, [sniff] run. [sniff] Run [sniff sniff sniff] home [sniff] Dick.”
RIMMER: That’s the Cat equivalent of Shakespeare, is it?
LISTER: Shakespeare? Who’s Shakespeare?
RIMMER: You moron. A playwright in the olden days. Wilfred Shakespeare.
LISTER: I’m only just starting out. This is for three year olds, so you should try it.
RIMMER: I’m not the slightest bit interested in smelling anything cats have to say, thank you, Lister.
LISTER: You don’t know what you’re missing. Rimmer, there’s this brilliant one where Dick buys this ball, this big ball, this big red ball. It’s amazing stuff.