Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.
“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
“Oh I know some of those ‘married within two week’ girls. They scare the hell outta me, and again, give us decent chicks a bad rep.”
The last one I went out with was upset that I hadn’t asked her to move in after a few months. When I told her we still had a long way to go before we made any move that permanent, she was hurt, or feigned that I had hurt her. Now I realize that she was looking to find some cheap shelter. Whew, dodged a bullet there.
I have to admit to being a Dr. Laura fan, and was listening pretty intently then, so I already knew that the situation wouldn’t last to long. I thank Dr. L for that.
I am NOT a feminist. I am a faithfully, happily married stay at home mom and wife who homeschooled for 7 years.
But I do believe that a *good* woman has to have power. I am head-strong and opinionated. But I devote all that energy into teaching, raising and protecting my children and home. I tell my husband what vitamins to take and I feed him well. *That's my job.* The man works 16 hour days to provide for us and doesn't have time to get into all that. When he comes home, I take care of him.
It's a partnership. Two days ago he held my hand and carried me out of the dr's office after a particularly painful procedure. Once we got home he kicked our two teenagers in the butt and had them clean up and make dinner.
This morning I got him a decongestant to help with a stuffed ear. I know he wanted to argue, but he didn't. He shut up and took the stupid pill.
Division of labor. That's the key. I rule the house, he assists me. He rules everything outside of these four walls and I assist him. We both have areas where we are stronger than the other. We compliment the other. We bend to the will of the other when necessary, but *both* of us have the greater good of the relationship first and foremost in our heads and hearts at all times.
Weak, subservient women don't make good wives and they *definitely* don't make good mothers. The best wives are strong, powerful and *committed* to their families. They only bend to the will of their man when he *right* and they're confident and secure enough to admit when they're wrong.
Hubby and I are doing DR. It's been a life-saving system.
Don't give up on women. Just set your standards and be patient. (The only standard I would say is flexible would be in the "appearance department". There are quite a few chubby chicks who are perfectly capable of making a man very content. And they can usually cook! lol!)
Uh... I found that guy. Actually I located a whole nest of them, many available and looking to settle down.
Just go to the nearest US Army base... :-)
Yes in the home I agree, and it’s not a dictatorship- but in the end your husband has the ultimate authority. I agree it will be a partnership (and a sacred contract/oath/ etc) whenever I get married.
No, I will nto marry a woman that will constantly argue with me just for the sake of being opinionated, but only for the sake of our children/relationship.
You call it a compromise, I call it "life". ;^) Between two kids in college and one in kindergarten, we barely have time to say hello to each other, especially now that it's "tax season".
LOL!
Yep,
we sit smack in the middle of about 4 military installations-— from Parris Island to Ft. Stewart.
That’s really not what I meant. :-\
But there are occasional posters on these threads who married young and who think that anyone who didn’t, obviously actively chose to be alone (for selfish reasons, of course) and/or have something seriously wrong with them. Morally wrong, most likely.
You know, it's you people who read the articles that really ruin the comment threads!
Boy, someone has you snowed.
lol
“Hubby and I are doing DR. It’s been a life-saving system.”
I agree with you there. It has also really helped me to “grow up” a lot in the last year or so. I have to admit that the growth I’ve experienced would have probably helped me a lot in the department being discussed on this thread.
I hate to argue, but in our marriage, this isn't the case. See, we learned how to argue - with respect and with the goal of finding truth, not to win. Sometimes he is really *wrong* and what he proposes could actually cause damage to the family unit. (Sometimes it's me that's wrong.) Because we both have the greater good as the highest interest, we work through our differences to figure out what the greater good actually is. In some areas, he's wiser. In other areas, I'm wiser. Because we have division of labor (our areas of specialty), we play on each other's strength's and weaknesses.
Trust me, after I spent a month doing research on his high blood pressure, he *does* take the fish oil and baby aspirin that I told him to take. I'm the health authority. When I feed him a low-carb meal, he eats it. When he tells me that he wants more deserts, I say no. I love him too much to bury him and he knows it. Last month I told him that we couldn't afford his Harley and it had to go. It's going.
Am I a naggy wife? Not at all. He's laid down the law just as often in my direction. Last week, although I run the finances, he told me (in no uncertain terms) that he wanted me to start putting money into a mutual fund for retirement.
The point is, when I assert myself he knows I'm doing it because it's the right thing and because I love him and our family. Vice-versa. It's called *respect* and *trust*. This is respect and trust that we've *both* earned.
I have found that if you marry an insane person life can be exciting
Why Bother
Kim du Toit
February 13, 2008
7:22 AM CST
The non-lawyer half of the InstaCouple says this:
“Nowadays, for many men, the negatives of marriage for men often outweigh the positives. Therefore, they engage in it less often. Not because they are bad, not because they are perpetual adolescents, but because they have weighed the pros and cons of marriage in a rational manner and found the institution to be lacking for them.”
I think women don’t understand how clinical men can be when it comes to analyzing a relationship. (Note: just because we don’t talk about our relationship with you, doesn’t mean we don’t analyze it.)
Here’s how I explain it. I think that men keep a running ledger going in their subconscious—all the good/great things about their relationship on the one side, and all the bad/terrible things on the other. At some point or another, if the perceived negatives outweigh the positives, the man will quit the relationship—I mean, just bail out of the whole thing—and usually with a swiftness and finality which confounds women.
Because we’re guys, we don’t talk about this much—even, or especially with other men, and hardly ever with women. But it’s a plain fact.
Now, because we’re guys, certain things have a disproportionate effect on both the good and bad things: on the good side, sex, food and shared interests being probably the best examples; on the bad, infidelity, constant nagging and invasion of privacy constitute the negative. The degree of each, good or bad, will vary among individual men, of course. Some men will put up with almost anything if the sex is of the “bed on fire” variety, for instance, while others will walk out of a relationship for something as trifling as compulsory weekly visits to Mom (hers)......
More goodness and truth:
http://www.theothersideofkim.com/index.php/tos/single/11474
My error, my appologies. My first statement was a snide comment and shouldn’t have been made. I was reading through all the posts and made an incorrect assumption. I’ll wager you’ve had a break up that felt like a divorce.
I have a little secret for you... it's the same for us girls. It just seems to me that guys are pickier in that department than the females. They pass up the "OK" woman for the "hottie" and then wonder why they get burned... over and over again. From what I've seen, the more beautiful the girl, the worse the wife.
Yes, you have to find a mate that you find at least a *little* attractive. But remember, in time she'll change (for the worse) and so will you. (Hubby wasn't bald when I met him! lol!)
Have you tried Hall Sex? (That's when you pass each other in the hall and say, "F U!") ;-)
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