What about snubbed nose .38s? I know lots of girls like them...
Excellent. Probably my next purchase.
I have fired both .357 and .38 in my Smith and Wesson model 66. It's the gun that I have on guard at home.
As I said before there is a subjective element to recoil. I judged the .357 to have a "snap" where the .38 had a "push". I actually preferred the .357.
In your case, if you are much bothered by recoil, then you want to choose the heaviest gun that you can comfortably shoot and carry. Also, another idea I had was that you might look to alternative ammo.
Typical .38 special self-defense ammo will be hollow-points with an enhanced loading, called "+P". To reduce recoil, you can choose hollow-points with regular loading. To reduce it further, you may be able to find target ammunition that has an even reduced load.
Each reduction in loading carries with it a reduction in "stopping power". If we get into a discussion on this topic, the thread might never end.
Shot placement is tremendously important and that means that a person needs to practice with their carry firearm. You may be so much more competent with a reduced loading that the increased accuracy can make up for a lessening of typical stopping power.
Hollow-points are used for self-defense in order to reduce chances of over-penetration and thus assure that the energy of the bullet is spent on the intended target. Additionally, the expansion of the hollow-point allows it to do more damage to the target, increasing the chances of stopping the target.
It may be that a good choice of reduced power .38s might have more effective stopping power than a full loading of .380s. The added weight of the .38 firearm then reduces the felt recoil considerably.
Another important variable is barrel length. Again, if you can carry and conceal it, longer barrels work for you. To maintain effectiveness, users of short barrels have to increase the loading of the ammunition, since there is less time to accelerate the bullet. Longer barrels, which add more weight to the gun, also permit a lower power load to be effective. Of course, the longer barrel then permits more recoil energy to be delivered to the shooter. (All these factors interact.)
If you were living in my neighborhood, meaning within 100 miles, I would let you try my collection of stuff to work this out.
Perhaps there is another Freeper living in your area who can address this matter for you.
Nothing wrong with them either. Considered by many to be the minimum really effective for defense. But better yet get a .357 snubbie, then you can practice with .38 special, but carry .357 ammunition for defense. (.38 special is actually a .357" bullet, and the .38s will work in a .357) If you actually need it, you'll never notice the extra recoil. :)
Or, since "pure" .38s tend to be lighter than .357s, you could get a modern pure .38, and shoot those .38 specials and carry .38 special +P (higher pressure) loads.
Still a very light .38 may actually have higher felt recoil than a semi-auto in a heavy (say all metal) 9mm. For a couple of reasons. First a heavy gun generally has lower felt (and real!) recoil than a lighter one for the same ammunition. Second the action of a semi-auto "soaks up" some of the recoil energy.